Back by popular demand from my 2018 Australia Day Slang for Dating Couples featured here, this is your up to date Romance Communication guide. It is particularly useful for newcomers to our great southern land, or those just needing to brush up on how to get a fair crack of the whip for that perfect local catch.

Bogan: Some refer to this great Australian as unsophisticated. They’re often found in flannelette shirt, tracky dacks and thongs accompanied by a durry and a tinnie. Male names always end with an “o” such as Davo or Stevo. You can easily search the web for the latest list of Aussie bogan names for any possible offspring they may have.
Bottle-O: Your bogan date is sure to chuck a U-ey just to get there as an essential detour to your dating destination such as Maccas, the Servo for a pie or Bunnings for a sausage sizzle.
Buggered: If you can’t be, then you’re probably not that into them.
Cark it: This could be something like your relationship, the cat, your car. It means to die or stop working and requires attention.
Carrying on like a pork chop: Behaviour like this is sure to turn off any possible romance. Try to dial down your crazy silly talk, take a few deep breaths and have another go. You don’t want them to think you have a few roos loose in the top paddock.
Chockers: What a great date that would be. Otherwise known as full as a goog, satisfied, watered and well fed!
Chuck a sickie: If the surfs up or your hot new beau is in town, you’re calling in sick without feeling crook. You avoid being seen on social media at all costs.
Chunder: A dreadful outcome from first date nervous swilling, guaranteed to turn off any chance of a snog at the end of your romantic interlude.
Fair shake of the sauce bottle: Whilst first impressions count, and you totally want to suss them out. It is worth however, giving your date a fair chance at impressing you before you write them off as a tosser.
Fix you up: Unless it’s guaranteed they’re frothing at the bit to see you again, be wary if this is mentioned on your first date. You don’t want them to go walkabout after some furphy they’ve promised to cough up or otherwise known as pay you back.
Hard yakka: A person with an honest, good work ethic is someone you want to hook up with. They’ll be a great provider and will contribute to the household income.
Knackered: Use this is you want a quick exit from your date. You’re exclaiming fatigue before you bid “Hoooroo”.
Loose cannon: Your mates will be sure to let you know if your new partner is one of this type. It denotes lack of self-control in public places and they’re concerned for your well-being and long-term happiness.
Nah, yeah: This means “Yes” versus the antonym, “Yeah, nah”.  Be careful your “No” does mean no or you’ll find yourself in a right pickle.
Ridgey-didge: Another catch you want to hang on to. You new friend is the real deal, they’re authentic and honest. Strewth, you’re lucky to find this.
She’ll be right: You’ve got to be stoked with a reassuring partner saying all will be ok. There’s nothing better than an Australian buddy who will not only take the mickey out of you when you’re feeling down, slap your butt and shout you a drink.
Straight to the pool room: This is where all your best selfie shots will be hung on the wall next to stuffed marlin, rods and footy trophies.
Tell him he’s dreamin’: A handy phrase for the ladies when your date is progressing a little too fast with unrealistic expectations. You might be ok with a cheeseburger, but you’re not offering the lot.
Tickets on yourself: I’m the first to promote a healthy sense of self, however a prospective partner with an inflated opinion of themselves is your red flag for possible lack of self of esteem lurking beneath their brag and all too confident facade.
Tradie, Truckie, Sparky, Chippy, Digger, Shrink, Doc, Copper, Desk Jockey, Bricky: These are all common terms for vocations. It’ll make wonderful conversation to ask further about how they make a crust.

Now you’re up to date with the true blue meaning of Australian romance to ensure you don’t stuff it up and look like a flaming galah! Happy Australia Day weekend and go easy on the turps.

I’ll be sure to return to a professional columnist with decorum next week!

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Now here’s a fabulous 2019 idea for all Sunshine Coast “marrieds”.
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It’s not necessarily an expensive idea and can be as big, little and public or private as you like. It brings you back to why you married in the first place. It’s not a totally new concept and admittedly one I had previously considered a little cheesy, pointless and an excuse to “look at me”.
That was until I journeyed with a couple in therapy who’d been confronted by major relationship trauma. They sought to start the new year fresh and connected. They drew a line in our pristine Noosa sand that marked building a brand-new shiny castle of a relationship built on a solid foundation of greater understanding and growth they’d achieved through significant adversity the year prior. 

They’d given me the honour to officiate with a renewal of their vows on a glorious New Year’s Day morning on the beach accompanied by one friend, a camera, their beautiful children and some personal touches on the beach.

Not only was I thrilled to revel in the joy from contributing to this couple but amazed by their tenacity and strength to intentionally forgive and turn toward each other through this beautiful ritual. As you could imagine, it was emotional. I loved them, I loved the ritual, I loved myself and loved this poignant start to the year! Here’s why I wanted to share the idea:

• It can be a powerful re-anchoring of each promise you gave to each other. Did you really have any idea what you entered in to all starry-eyed way back when?
• Many couples can spend hundreds of hours planning their wedding, not so many hours writing their vows and like me, barely remember them. (Did I really say obey?)
• How many of us revisit them? A wonderful reason to dig them out and spend a bit more time crafting or integrating the old with new ones based on your experiences now you’ve been through a bit of sickness and health. You might be richer or poorer and likely delighted, disappointed, and sometimes disillusioned by them.
• Those vows are then more likely to be at the forefront of your text messages, birthday cards and daily interactions. The words are reignited with on-going life.
• Rather than see the marriage commitment and its related promises as a given, you are reminded to recognise how your union will shift, change and honour the right for it to do so.
• As an annual ritual, it helps you intentionally make that decision to be the best spouse you can be even on those days you might slightly dislike them.
• Regularity facilitates your promise as it shepherds your milestones of life.
• You are encouraged to assess and review your contribution to the marriage. Can you both deliver and receive feedback in a non-blaming way? Have you created an enviable quality marriage any children can mentor from and impact generations?
• The Sunshine Coast has incredible locations to host your gob-smacking back drop or simply use the privacy of the current love-pad you’ve built together.
• You celebrate!

 If this is not your first marriage, even more reason to invest your time on this for a marked differential. Ask a special friend or family member to officiate. Go with a professional celebrant for all the on-trend professional bells and whistles. I’ve officiated once now so surely that makes me an expert? Happy to be at your service. I’ll bring tissues this time.

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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It is never too late to learn to cavort in an intuitive, intimate strut as a couple. Last week I spoke figuratively about the styles of awkward dances people can find themselves mechanically and repetitively moving around in as they try and negotiate their way out of monotomy or conflict.

This can be the time of year, people are looking to “level up” in their relationship however some find the concept of trawling online for a professional to help with relationship problems frightfully confronting so I’ve suggested a secret alternative in the meantime. It’s totally confidential, private and you can take as long as you like. Your own private counsellor is a book and here’s an extension to those suggested last week:

Love & Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs: This one is considered a “classic” among marriage books. Love & Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with conflict quickly. I love this one for it’s overarching theme of respect and kindness which is an essential component of my therapeutic approach in regaining connection. It has Christian themes but if you’re not that way inclined, it still has plenty of simple, scientifically researched messages.

The new Rules of Love and Marriage by Terrence Real: Whilst many relationship counselling approaches recognise gender differences and needs, I appreciate the author’s recognition on the change in the last twenty-five years. We can’t deny that women have become powerful, independent and self-confident. Despite being a bloke, Real says many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached and don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up. Very brave statement coming from a fella!

Terrence Real instructs women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationship that they desire and deserve. He identifies what to avoid and shares practical strategies for bringing honesty, passion, and joy back to even the most difficult relationship. Real guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner. His book is based on the idea that every woman has the power to transform her marriage, while men, given the right support, have it in them to rise to the occasion.

I’d agree that we now expect and want so much from our relationships than ever before. Sunshine Coast couples are often living in isolation form their birth families and more than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers. The New Rules of Marriage seeks to show us how to fulfil this courageous and uncompromising new vision.

Why men want sex and women need love by Allan & Barbara Pease: Aside from your friendly relationship columnist chum, you’ve got to love the other local relationship experts on the Sunshine Coast. They’re also a tad more international than me!  Not only can this be your own private counselling reference but a highly entertaining read. Allan and Barb will be sure to have you chuckling all the way through as you are enlightened by this practical, witty and down-to-earth guide. By translating science and research, you’ll be guided on how to pursue true happiness and compatibility with the opposite sex. It includes the top five things women want from men, what to do when the chemistry is wrong what turns men and women on – and off!

The Gottman Institute: If books aren’t your thing, then Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s life work as researchers and clinical psychologists have a rich source of information based on over 40 years of research with more than 30,000 couples – the most extensive studies ever done on marital stability. Head to their website, sign up for their blogs, check out their apps and relish in their vast resources!
You now have a great head start with your own private counsellor to trip the light fantastic in 2019.
You’re welcome.

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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Let’s hope you found a way to jig merrily in your own special way into the year. I like to think the first few days of New Year are like a slow tempo of recovery. It’s about now when a vast majority pick up the beat and re-evaluate where they’re at in life or their relationship.
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Hopefully you’re on a roll and seek to gain even more momentum with a hip hop to it again this year. Thankfully, many couples will learn new moves to avoid a repeat of the stilted tune they danced in their relationship in 2018. Does the music stop at times, falling to a deafening silence between you for days on end? Maybe it’s more like sadcore rock characterised by bleak lyrics and harsh words. You’re wondering how you find yourselves caught in the same monotonous dance repeating the same moves attempting to side step your way out of disagreement trapped in isolation and loneliness for days on end. 

Do you find the concept of trawling online for a professional to help you with your relationship problems frightfully confronting? Is it way too inappropriate to reveal to your friends to ask for someone they might know who could help? If you’re not at a point where you’re able to reach out in person to a friendly therapist like myself, there’s a secret alternative. No-one will see or know! It’s totally confidential, private and you can take as long as you like. It’s like your own private counsellor in your bedroom – a book! Here’s my list to get your started. If you're single, now is your time to gain valuable insight for your next partnership. It’s also a great foundation to launch yourselves for Relationship Counselling later if you need it:

Hold me Tight: by Susan Johnson: Forget about learning how to argue better, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Susan helps you recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. Based on her Emotionally Focussed Therapy style, it focusses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship. It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond.
Love Sense: also by Susan Johnson – builds on practical, accessible advice on building more intimacy, safety, and trust; coping with separation distress, loss, and forgiveness; and strengthening your safe-haven relationship to build a lifetime of love. It can change the way you think about love and I love the way she thinks!
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is an oldie but a goodie! Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the way side. This book is about saying it and hearing it clearly. No gimmicks and no psychoanalysing required here. There’s also the Five Love Languages for Children, Teenagers and Singles. If you haven’t unveiled your love language or that of your spouse  and children, it’s a wonderful simple concept - a must for 2019.

It is never too late to begin to learn to dance a new groove in the new year as a couple. I can’t wait to expand on your own confidential Counsellor’s list next week. 

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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First article for the year and my first chance to throw out some wonderful ideas to stay close and connected to your partner through to 2019.

Why not carve out a moment in time during the next few days without distraction from any children, family and friends and turn toward each other. Use eye contact and intentionally engage to be present and open to possibilities. If there are responses or ideas you don’t agree with, enquire further and deepen your understanding instead of attempting to defend or shut down.

I can’t count the number of brave blokes that reveal they struggle with the right responses and conversation with their adoring female whose words flow freely and with magnitude - so here’s your guide. I know some will be tempted to uncomfortably retort with ridiculous and humorous answers but try also to be real and genuine for this time intended for closeness and connection:

1. What do you want less of in 2019?
2. What do you long for?
3. What has been the biggest drag for you this year?
4. What are you dreaming about most right now?
5. How can I help you this week?
6. How do you describe me to people who haven’t met me?
7. What are your favourite ways to spend time with me?
8. When were you last truly happy? What happened?
9. What is the best way I can show you I love you this coming year?
10. How can we unite to impact our world with more kindness?

 
I so relish the concept of new possibilities for 2019 in striving toward using your talents to even more potential. This includes levelling up your relationship and growing together for that flourishing dynamic you should expect.

Why not use the magical word “no” to a few activities to just “be” together? Block out some white space on your calendars for spontaneous nothingness. If you do head out socialising, tune in regularly with a reassuring pat or eye contact with your partner in amongst the hum of the group. Most of all, if you get to slow down at this time of year, be mindful of your daily interactions with respect and kindness. This is one of the keys to a great relationship moving forward.

If you’re single, it’s my desire you can fully enjoy this season in your life. If you seek to meet someone, strive to work on the best version of yourself to enhance your chances of joining forces with the best partner you deserve.

Finally, to get the best things, we often need to do hard things. Life includes pain so we can choose the pain of discipline of the pain of disappointment. Nothing happens without discipline!

I can’t wait to support individuals and couples either in my Counselling room or as readers of the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine in our community this year.

​Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

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