It seems social distancing and increased downtime for many Australians equates to more screen time. Not  a week goes by when cyber-related challenges aren't raised in the counselling room.
The most common areas for concern discussed in counselling are:

• Frequent late-night use of the internet.
• Addictive games and related conversations with people unknown to partners.
• Obsessive protection of phones that never leave their side.
• Lack of attention to children's hours spent online that causes aggression or moodiness.

If you have children, there are some great online safety quizzes to check their understanding around sharing their images, giving out their information and what to do about online bullying. It could save their life.

I totally love we've become even more connected and technology is a life-line during a pandemic.  Long-distance relationships are enhanced with it and those living or travelling abroad feel closer than ever. In day-to-day life, however, screens are often an unwanted third person in the relationship. When both partners are screen-addicted, it's some sort of crazy foursome where the only real connection is the charging port that sustains this unhealthy attachment.

It's not just our children with whom we need to have sensible discussions. We also need to communicate with our partners. Here are some topics to ask each other:

• What do we perceive is a reasonable amount of screen time per day?
• Can we incorporate a fun challenge with an incentive to reduce it? (Many devices have in-built time tracking to keep you informed.)
• Do we set a good example for screen usage etiquette for children? (That is, putting down your screen, engaging with emotional attentiveness and eye contact or keeping devices away from the dinner table.)
• Do we share new interests apps or games with each other?
• What apps, websites, podcasts or blogs can we both use to enrich our relationship? A great example is the Gottman Card Decks app for couples.
• Do we feel comfortable leaving our phone unattended and face up around our partner?
• Are we comfortable to be online friends with ex-partners, old school friends or new acquaintances of the opposite sex?
• Who do we agree is acceptable for us to chat to online?
• Have we ever gifted money to a cause, a person or organisation and not told each other?
• Do we have a no-screen zone in our house or time frames when we converse real-time in the flesh?
• Do we agree with what each other posts on social media sites?

Enjoy the wonders of technology to be entertained, organised and informed, but if you're withholding information from your partner about your screen use, it's your red flag.

May any downtime feature a healthy balance of enjoying others, exercising outside and whatever else fills you with joy during a pandemic!

Watch this space next week as I contemplate if social distancing increases the use of pornography?

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on her weekly Sunshine Coast Daily Relationship articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com

Last week I highlighted the importance of down-regulating your stress response to fear in ensuring your best chances of a healthy immune system.Let’s assume you’re now intentionally calm despite the nagging concern in the pit of your stomach of where your next packet of pasta is coming from.
 
The majority of everything has been cancelled. You’ve been relieved of the hectic child taxi service, the gym, footy club or whatever your “thing”, is closed until further notice - there’s nothing on and finances might be tight. The sound of crickets are chirping except for the tap of your keyboard or phone, working from home.
 
You turn around to see someone who seems rather nice working nearby on their PC at your kitchen bench who says their you’re spouse! How about that? It’s involuntary reconnection time. With dismay, you realise this is potentially the longest and most time you’ve ever spent together. Enter the rambunctious children home from school.  Now what?
 
Yes, you love them all but the tension is definitely on the cards so here are my top tips during social distancing:

• Keep to routines: safety and security can be found in keeping as much the same as possible. Get up and dressed at the same time. Similar recess and lunchtimes for any children at home can be calming.
• Allow space: respect everyone’s need for alone time or quiet space to work. Establish clear boundaries for working areas so everyone stays sane.
• Allocate responsibilities: everyone is now dishevelling items more often, so everyone gets more allocated tasks to tidy - no matter their age. Invite your imaginary disrespectful family member,  “Feral Cheryl” over. Everyone can loudly blame any mess on this undomesticated person to avoid pointing the finger. Hopefully, the culprit will still get the message.
• Reach out: “Social isolation” is not “social disconnection”.  Your community is still easily accessible via social media to check-in on others and anticipate what neighbours might need. Pick up the phone to be an attentive listener to others worries. What a gift you could be.
• Laugh: You won’t have to scroll too long for plenty of chuckles from memes or videos. It is healthy and still ok to laugh. The creativity to create laughs around this topic has been next level. Make your own wacky clips – you might be the next online sensation.
• Exercise: is the best anti-depressant/anxiety medication on the planet. Pump that heart rate for at least 30 minutes a day. Skip, jog on the spot or email me your daggy dance clips please.
• Entertainment: schedule in games, quizzes, conversations cards – gosh who knows what fascinating tidbits you’ll find out?
• Personal Development: More time than usual? Use this golden opportunity to read or listen to audio books of inspiring authors whilst pruning the garden? Turn your most challenging times into evaluating how you can learn to healthily respond to fear or uncertainty.
• Support a health worker: we all know someone. Offer messages of support and check-in on those tirelessly caring for others and often at risk.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these Sunshine Coast Daily articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources including Great Ideas and Workbook to Stockpile solutions for super mental health throughout isolation at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com

​How do you cope with the unknown? What behaviours do those of you in a relationship find your partner exhibit when fearful? Do you have a child who surprises you with bizarre and unsettling responses to change or feeling scared?
 
In these unprecedented times of a pandemic with terrifying updates bombarded so easily accessible to our hand-held devices at lightning speed, we can be shocked by other’s response to fear. I even surprise myself sometimes.
 
Some are scoffing at selfish food hoarders or doing it themselves. Some are even violent in the traffic or at the shopping centre. Others are bingeing til the wee hours riveted to news feeds of doomsday media reports that may be ambiguous, exaggerated as well as realistic? There are those with their “head in the sand” and you know the ones incessantly chatting to their co-workers about all the “What if’s” and the conspiracy theories.
 
Stockpile this then to another perceived horror for those poor souls who’ve realised they will be held captive in isolation with not only their children but their spouse at home at the same time for a longer time than ever before. “Some” is the key word here as for many introverts this is a dream come true where they can enjoy some healthy alone time amongst their family who respect their space! Some even relish and love the company of their family – in small doses!
 
Overall, this is all understandably frightening.  My heart and concern to those with a compromised immune system, the elderly and those already suffering an illness or this virus.
 
As with all aspects of life – how can we approach this situation whilst adopting the necessary hygiene precautions and giving ourselves the best advantage possible?
 
We achieve a balance on fear. Did you know that fear can be more dangerous than the virus? Toxic over-thinking, particularly focussing on misinterpreted information is detrimental to your health. When your body operates under constant cortisol overload in stress, the blood vessels to your heart constrict with less oxygen to the brain. We need healthy stress, but the detrimental reaction under pressure from too much toxic stress too often will have you more vulnerable and susceptible to disease. Being overly anxious can lead to the “nocebo effect”. That is, the negative thoughts of the situation becoming a more negative effect that it otherwise would have.  
 
For most of us, we may become unwell and suffer the standard symptoms and recover. As we negotiate this unchartered territory, I ask that you down regulate your stress response by looking outwards with respect and kindness. More than ever do we rely on our health workers. How can we help support their families? Can you deliver food stores to your elderly neighbour (be ok with them disinfecting it at the door). Turn your fear into good and your brain will induce a feel-good positive response instead.

More on How do I cope with my partner in self-isolation? next week.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these Sunshine Coast Daily articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources including Great Ideas and Workbook to Stockpile solutions for super mental health throughout isolation at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com