Food, glorious food! It’s the Noosa Food and Wine Festival next week and I’ll be there with bells on! The festival will play host to over 200 chefs, producers, winemakers and journalists with a passion for gourmet food and wine. We will be able to taste unique ingredients, watch demonstrations by leading chefs and take part in beach BBQ’s and the festival’s annual beach party. Bring it on, let’s UTF – Unite Through Food.
It got me thinking! Food is one of the wonderful necessities of life. We eat throughout our marriage and relationships and well, every part of our lives. Does Australian culture use this shared experience to strengthen our relationships, say like the Italians?
 
You may well have done the exciting and romantic dates in the early days at your favourite restaurants or on the beach as you gazed hopefully and lovingly into each other’s eyes. What about the every-day upkeep of our relationships?
 
Some of the best conversations you’ll have will be over a meal. It’s universally acknowledged as a great time to discuss a variety of topics, even difficult ones. Don’t underestimate the psychological and emotional benefits, namely social connection, intellectual stimulation, relaxation and romance.


Here’s my top tips for curating culinary cohesion for couples:
 
Give up multi-tasking. Hands up who eats in front of the TV or accompanied by a screen? Thought so. The trap of living under an unnecessary sense of urgency to be entertained, work and of course be ever present on social media can put you in chronic toxic stress and make you sick, including terrible indigestion! Turn off the screens and allow meals to be the perfect time to talk about your highs and lows. It will also slow you down and eat less.
 
Invest the time in home cooking. Savour the satisfaction of creating a dish and likewise having your partner prepare something for you is something you can put loving care and effort into. (Hello husband, I hope you’re reading.) Sure, it’s still a meal, but when it’s made with love, it’s super special and tastes oh so much better! It’s like a tiny, tasty gift at the end of a long day.

Can’t cook? Try learning. This is the perfect joint activity. There are awesome options to do this together here on the Sunshine Coast. Putting in the effort to improve yourself for the sake of your relationship shows a great deal of love and dedication.

Create the mood: Arty and bright or warm and dark tonight? Use those funky little string lights, draw something, use aromatic candles and swoon to the music. Want to feel sophisticated? Throw on some classical. Tweak the atmosphere in your house and bang - date night is on.

Relax and enjoy yourselves! Just because you switched off technology doesn’t mean you need to be super formal. Sit back, relax and chill. Why not kick back on the floor whilst eating for a change? If there are little munchkins in the house, they’ll love a snackable spread on a blanket. Plenty of other cultures do it.

Make it habitual:  It’s all wonderful to now decide to “eat together more often.” Why not hand write a specific goal, ie “Eat together as a family at the table three times per week on a Tuesday…”. Paste this up on the fridge for ALL to see and practice, practice, practice. Keep each other accountable and after 30 days, it’ll be the start of the norm of UTF for you!
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Just another heads up for your calendar! There’s the inaugural The Curated Plate culinary festival between 8-11 August so head online to grab your tickets.
 
See you on Noosa beach next weekend! I’ll be the one with the empty plate.  
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest on Salt106.5, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

You’re sick of fighting. It’s a never-ending merry-go-round of ‘He-said’, ‘She said’, ‘You did this’ and ‘No, I didn’t.’ Sound familiar? If it does, it might be time to work on your ability to forgive.


Do you ever wonder why some people who yet having experienced incredible adversity, come out the other end joyful and kind? It seems one key difference in these individuals is forgiveness. Whether they chose to forgive themselves or their perpetrators had a great deal to do with what followed in their lives. Those that choose anger and hold their grudges seem bitter and tortured their whole lives.
 
 
The decision not to forgive can be toxic – both to yourself and to your relationship. I recently wrote about coping with your partner’s family and friends and this is often an area where you’re challenged to forgive freely.
 
 
I am fascinated by the numerous studies that have shown that we when don’t forgive and revisit our memories of the supposed wrongdoing, a fear response is produced in our amygdala (the part of our brain responsible for our emotions). This response causes a release of stress hormones which increases our heart rate and blood pressure. If we keep holding on to our betrayals and anger, this response remains active, putting us at risk of developing stress-related illness both mentally and physically. Unforgiveness keeps us awake at night and keeps the perceived wrong-doer living rent-free in our head for far too long.


Forgiving is not easy. Just like any other difficult or new task, you need to learn how to do it with repetition and consistency. For the sake of your own emotional well- being, as well as that of your partner - it’s worth it. 



If you struggle to forgive, these five tips may help:

1.    Slow it down
Ensure you are not in a heightened emotional state. Allow 20 minutes to slow your heart rate down then ask yourself these questions to provide a clearer perspective: ‘How is he/she feeling right now?’, ‘Are they justified in their actions?’, and ‘What is my part in this?’ Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is no easy task - especially when it comes to your spouse.

2.    Switch Off the Nasty Voice
We all have an inner voice, and sometimes it doesn’t play nicely. When we fight, its critical nature comes to the fore, spewing forth things like ‘He’s trying to manipulate you.’ or ‘She’s twisting your words again.’ or ‘Just ignore him. You’ll feel better that way.’ All of this is counter-productive to forgiveness. In the heat of emotion, replacing these with kind and respectful self-talk is paramount to moving forward and playing fairly.
 
3.    It’s a choice
Rather than holding on to all the little things your partner has done, (and I know you know what I mean – that vast catalogue of their wrongdoings stored in your brain!) you must learn to choose to leave it behind you. You will have conflict, that is human nature. Don’t hold onto the upsets. Work through the current issue through listening and validating and grow together from it.

4.    Ditch the Baggage
Like it or not, your childhood and parent/carer relationship role models play a big part in the relationship you have with your partner. Perhaps you had a parent who used silence to let you know they were angry. Consequently, each time your partner is quiet, you find yourself wondering ‘What have I done?’. Your partner may just be tired and having a quiet moment. Work out where your fear stems from, put it into context and evaluate your behaviour from this logical, rational standpoint.

5.    Who will win?
When you’re in the thick of an argument, it’s very hard to ‘see the forest for the trees’. You lose track of the goal of being on the side same (a tenet of any good partnership) because you’re so concerned with winning. But for you to win, your partner needs to lose. Is this the outcome you truly want?
 
Set the example on the goal of cooperation and commitment to flexing your forgiveness muscle and watch your relationship pump with synergy!
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

There’s nothing quite like the moving experience of the Sunshine Coast community together in silence in the early hours commemorating Anzac Day. As we remembered those Australian and New Zealand Army Corps soldiers who have fought and died for their country in Gallipoli campaign of the First World War, I contemplated our varied responses to grief.
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No one is immune to the death of loved ones, and we lament differently. My surprising response I noticed last year when my brother died, was the urge to find the green thumb I didn’t know I had!
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Gardening is a past-time I’ve generally found rather tiresome, hot, fly blown and just so boring. Even worse, I ashamedly have a limited, pathetic botanical vocabulary. In contrast, having returned from my brother’s funeral, I was out there in the wee hours at the Yandina markets solemnly yet eagerly searching for green foliage! The children and I drove home precariously peering through massive flourishing fresh palms, bromeliads and peace plants I’d filled the car with!

Having proudly and tenderly planted, potted and lovingly nurtured them (only one has died so far), I’ve since shared my experience with other grieving humans. It seems many have also turned to the soil for extended hours as they grappled with grief. Why? What’s that about?
I went searching for answers and seems I shouldn’t be so perplexed.
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When you think about it, we are surrounded by dying each and every day. Go outside and see an abundance of life. We're also seeing the results of the death, decay, rejuvenation, restoration and renewal as featured in the cycles of life in the garden. It makes intuitive sense that a closer connection to nature can help us come to terms with death and the grieving process.

How about the research around the importance of reconnecting people to nature that proves faster recovery rates, reduced stress, and eased symptoms of physical and mental illnesses? Then there’s the trendy term, “grounding” whereby we are encouraged to ditch the thongs and find health through natural electrical connection to earth by being barefoot.

Here is what one friend said, “It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I learned firsthand the incredible role plants play in healing. To be cultivating in nature was to be quiet, to connect, and reflect what is incredibly important.”
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It is rather timely the Sunshine Coast Planting Festival is being held again next weekend 3-5 May! The Planting Festival focusses on the important issue of conservation. There will be book writing classes, horticulture lessons and how to recycle and re-purpose clothes. There are also film and comedy showings as well as a full program for kids including singing classes, learning about bugs, face painting, dance lessons, magic shows and art classes.
How fun. I’ll go in honour of my brother!

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Easter can be a tough time.  Easter is a holiday period that often provides days off but with less activities than what is organized and available at Christmas.  Some of you may be required to work right through?

Colleagues and acquaintances may have gone travelling on exotic enviable holidays, or busy with their families?  Single parents whose children are off with former spouses can feel emptiness as well.   The loss of a partner may feel particularly acute.  As the weather becomes cooler it may that bit harder to be motivated to go out. 

In an increasing individualistic society, it can be relaxing and positive to have real “down time” in a world filled with constant contact through smart phones, e-mail and social media.  It can also lead to feelings of loneliness.

Some find themselves in difficult family situations over the extended holiday time.  There is an emphasis on family, friends and chocolate gifts on TV that may simply reinforce what we might be missing.

Loneliness is a real problem and we need to be aware of it

1. Be your best company.  Don’t be ashamed to be alone to enjoy something indulgent that you wouldn’t normally experience on your own.
2. Work out what is the major trigger for loneliness during this holiday time. Do you suffer from social anxiety or grief over loss of expectations?
3. Symptoms of depression can be excruciating but also a forced time of personal growth. Use your solitude for learning from inspiring biographical, spiritual or personal development books. Why not vigorously clean the house whilst listening to thought leaders on podcasts? Two great outcomes there – a sparkling orderly house and new knowledge!
4. Respond to last minute calls for help such as Volunteering organisations that assist the elderly, homeless or animal shelters? 
5. Show genuine interest in others at the store, the beach or the gym to overlook your own sadness. Meet your needs through helping others in the smallest ways. Visit people you don’t know. Step out of your comfort zone and deliver some packaged chocolates to a home for the elderly, a hospital – just call and arrange it first!
6. Avoid overindulging which is sure to result in heightening your dissatisfaction.  Alcohol will only  fuel mood instability and affect your quality of sleep. Reduce your exposure to the perceived amazing life of others on social media as that’s guaranteed to make life worse.
7. Exercise is not only good for you, but who knows who you might meet playing sport, out walking in Buderim Falls or running along the esplanade?
8. The significance of Easter can be an uplifting experience amongst a Church community so a great time to join in and connect.
9. Call someone and say hello yourself.  It can make a real difference!
10. Do you fear being vulnerable, rejected or judged?  Some of the most successful and prolific contributors to history were rejected countless times and rose to incredible heights!  Jesus and The Beatles are just two!

 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

We’re up to the final part of my Intentional Relationship series where I’m offering great tips to “level up” your relationship. So far we’ve covered:
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• Seeking and allowing individuality
• Considering are you Withholding Love?
• Which is more important: Turning Toward your partner or Turning them on?

 
Today we’re focussing on how we can become “Masters” versus the dreaded “Disasters” in our relationship? This term refers to Dr’s Gottman’s research involved analysing married couples over the space of six years. They found those still happily together at the six-year mark “turned toward” each other 87% of the time. These couples were called the “Masters”. By contrast, the couples that had fallen apart — labelled, very bluntly, “Disasters”, only managed to turn towards and connect three times out of 10.


How can we strive to “turn toward” our partners more often to given them as much engagement and attention we’re capable of? 
 
1.     LOOK FOR THE POSITIVES: “Masters” view their environment, and their partners more appreciatively. They create an air of respect and gratitude for one another making it easier to engage with their bids for attention.

2.     DISAGREE RESPECTFULLY: “Disaster” couples look at their lives and partners negatively. They get hung up on any failing, no matter how inconsequential. Couples that find themselves tearing at each other disrespectfully are on an express elevator to separation. If you need to express it, consider your delivery and use your feelings words to convey the impact of their behaviour.

3.     UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARGUE: Many arguments stem from a sense of disconnection. It is not about the dishwasher or toilet seat. It is about whether the other person has your back. Underneath we can fear abandonment. Fear turns to anger and we lash out at the person we’re terrified of living without. When you understand how insidious this fear of disconnection truly is, it’s easier to put the effort into those “bids” for connection.

4.     ENJOY INDIVIDUALITY: You and your partner are not clones! For all your similarities, you have different tastes and interests. Let your partner know how much something means to you. They don’t need to necessarily partake in everything with you but know that it is meaningful.
 
5.     BE KIND: If your partner is down in the dumps and you’re tired and laid out on the couch, it can be the greatest gift in the world to get up and hold them tight. It’s these small gestures, these small expressions of kindness and compassion, that exemplify turning towards your partner when they need it. Understanding the magnitude of acknowledging “bids”, builds a stronger relationship that inevitably turns everything else ON as well!
 

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest on Salt106.5, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Welcome to Part Three of my “Intentional Relationships Series” where you’re getting thought provoking ideas on how to “level it up” for that thriving and dynamic relationship.
 
It would be true to say the meaning of “turning on” your partner is fairly clear.  As it turns out, "turning toward" your partner is a considerably important priority for connection. If you make a conscious effort to consistently turn towards your partner, it's likely you get to enjoy both! In recent weeks, I’ve outlined, Seeking and allowing individuality and then Are you holding back in your relationship? Today, I’m all about turning toward your partner.

In any relationship we seek emotional connection from our partners. These take the form of distinct “bids”, as outlined by scholar, Dr John Gottman. These bids are related to safety derived from attention, conversation, approval, sympathy, and play etc. Consider, “Can you help me find my other sock?”, “Did you notice that Meghan Markle doesn’t wear panty hose?”, “What did you get up to today?” and the quintessential “Does my bum look big in this?”. They present various attempts at making a connection in the form of interest, reassurance and emotional support.
 
How you respond to this bid can be summarised by one of three ‘turns’.

1.     Turn against your partner: When you respond to one of these attempts at connection with hostility. You snap at them and tell them you’re busy or concentrating. You may even tell them to nick off with “Shhhh, Brie Larson is on the tellie!”

2.     Turn away from your partner: You ignore or dismiss them! You pretend you haven’t heard, or maybe even give a little shrug to drive your apathy home. This is also a common tactic easily deployed after conflict.

3.     Turn toward your partner: Here it is! You actively engage with your partner’s bid for attention. You look at them, respond and ask questions to show interest and empathy. “Yes, your cheesecake is just as good as Sally’s’!” or “Wow, that must have been so embarrassing. What did you do then?”.
 
All interactions between couples have a mixture of these responses depending on life stressors such as health, work and sleep. Turning away, or even against your partner every now and then isn’t going to destroy a relationship. Couples who consistently turn toward each other; however, fare a lot better.


Gottman’s research involved analysing married couples over the space of six years. They found those still happily together at the six year mark “turned toward” each other 87% of the time. That’s really high, and still allows you some room for the occasional “Uh huh. Very nice.” These couples were called the “Masters”.
 
By contrast, the couples that had fallen apart — labelled, very bluntly, “Disasters”, only managed to turn towards and connect three times out of 10. Ouch.
 
How can we strive to “turn toward” our partners more often to given them as much engagement and attention we’re capable of?  Watch this space next week!
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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Welcome to Part Two of my “Intentional Relationships Series” where you’re getting some thought provoking ideas on how to “level it up” for that thriving and dynamic relationship. Last week I covered seeking and allowing individuality in your relationship. This week I’m asking you to check if you need to take down a few bricks from your walls!
 
Everyone has a history, and sometimes they’re “Horrible Histories”. Sequential life set-backs can leave emotional scars. Disastrous relationship experiences can even make us cynical, pessimistic, and give up entirely on the idea of ever finding love. Every new failure can become a brick in the wall between you and other people.
 
Once that wall is up, one of two things happen: either you refuse to let other people through that wall, or refuse to let yourself out of it. Now you’re withholding love. You try to protect yourself from getting hurt. This is not the best recipe to constructing a delectable relationship. The lack of communication creates assumptions, drama, confusion and a feeling of insecurity. Your cake will flop! You’re now keeping back the one thing a relationship needs to thrive: intimacy. It’s like purposefully leaving out the eggs that binds it all together.
 
10 Red Flags you might be withholding love
 
1.       You reject feedback and your reflex is to blame your partner.
2.       Complimenting your spouse is uncomfortable.
3.       Despite knowing their love language, you’re unable to meet their needs.
4.       Conflict means you are silent and emotionally unavailable.
5.       It’s easier to criticize than to find positives in your partner.
6.       Activities such as work, volunteering, social media, internet, books and other friends take priority over quality relationship time.
7.       You avoid sex or do not actively participate.
8.       Porn has become an addiction as it doesn’t require emotional attentiveness.
9.       Authentic feeling words are off topic.
10.   You exhibit controlling behaviours around finances.
 
What Can You Do About It?
 
Being truthful and honest with your answers to these questions will help you start to see not just what you’re withholding, but may give some insight into why.
 
 
•   What profound, beautiful and joyful thought have you not shared with your partner?
•   Can you recall an experience that was so poignant, fantastic, or gratifying that you didn’t know how to talk about it?
•   When do you feel a little aggravated and critical and what behaviours do you exhibit?
•   Are you afraid of the response when you sincerely share with vulnerability?
•   Do you feel the right to assertively ask for what you need in your relationship?
•   What is your self-talk as a result of soul-destroying words from any previous relationships?
•   Have your found peace and freedom from forgiving either yourself or others for betrayal, disappointment and grief?
 
You’d be surprised what you can learn and achieve through some serious introspection. Next week: Which is more important: Turning Toward your partner or Turning them on?
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Welcome to my “Intentional Relationships Series” where you’ll get great ideas on how to “level it up” for that thriving and dynamic relationship.
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Great relationships feature a healthy sense of self, independence and interdependence. It can be a delicate balance that may have you relying or conforming to your partner too much, leaving you without purpose or direction. Alternatively, too much independence can leave you living like flat-mates, little support and have no chance of attaining joint goals. When there is a mutual recognition and respect for personal space and individuality, your intimate relationship flourishes.
 
When you’ve achieved that wonderful balance, your relationship features:

• Friendship
• Ongoing affirmation, encouragement and adoration
• Sexual intimacy and mutual gratification
• Respect for differing values
• Time together and time apart
• Mutually enjoyable activities as well as different interests
• Actively help others but not to the exclusion of your partnership
• Support when your “chips are down”
• Trust

​Throughout my Counselling, I notice these common themes when couples go askew:

• One or both partners suffer from low sense of worth, they can experience a “primal panic” of neediness when the other seeks time alone or with other friends.
• An absence of trust, either from experiences from the current or previous relationships that undermine the ability to allow or enjoy freedom.
• Unequal power structures where one is too dominant, it thwarts the other’s authenticity of which they usually revolt against in time.
• Important values such as religion, family culture or parenting styles not supported or encouraged causing distress.
• Life cycles such as starting a family can result in mothers losing time alone, financial freedom and lack of inclusion in major decisions.

How do we achieve the golden balance?

• Evaluate your sense of worth that supports healthy boundaries to assertively seek time out and ask for quality time together.
• Do you lack boundaries that allow your partner to be too dominant?
• If you’re told you’re too controlling, consider what needs you’re seeking to meet to govern your spouse’s life?
• Can you re-build broken trust in this relationship or need to heal from the scars of hurt from the past?

 
Know that you’re not designed predetermined to be the shadow of your spouse, nor their dictator! You were created with the freedom and responsibility to complement them. When you enjoy this wonderful balance, you’re free to express your thoughts, feelings and desires. You can stand firm when your principles and values are compromised. You also openly welcome the opinions of your partner and remain considerate of alternative perspective besides your own.
 
Regularly find this synergy and you both shine as an even better version of yourselves grounded in mutual admiration, encouragement and respect. Next week: Are you withholding love in your relationship?
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

You’ve fallen hook, line and sinker if you’ve bought into the belief you can cruise through a relationship without a disagreement. In fact, there is plenty of evidence that much of our conflict is caused by personality differences and values that are unsolvable. They’re inevitable!
 
It’s not uncommon for couples I work with to openly admit they avoid conflict at all costs. Unfortunately, it can become increasingly icey below the surface, resentment sets in and the iceberg grows too large for the ship to navigate around.
 
When supporting couples, it’s important for me to help them understand factors such as their key underlying emotions and triggers during conflict however here are some thoughts you can consider first:
 
Realise what it is you’re arguing about.
It’s a value difference. It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about two people who have two different thoughts and opinions. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person and usually no one has malicious intent. You’re a human being trying to get along with another human being. It’s quite ok not to agree 100% of the time.
 
Work out how important it really is to each of you.
Rank on a 1-10 scale for realistically of “How much this means to me?” For one of you, what luggage to buy for your trip might be very important. For the other, it might be fairly irrelevant and more about criticism, financial values or seeking to be heard.
 
Find out why it’s that important.
If someone lists their choice to cruise around the Medditeranean versus fishing in Darwin as anything over a two or a three, there’s probably a reason. Listen to that reason. Show empathy to your partner as well as active listening. Avoid “correcting” their reasoning. And it goes the other way as well. If the issue’s not important to one of you and you’re just happy to be together, but they keep arguing it, find out why. What’s this really about?
 
Recognise you’ve been triggered: Own the reality that you might not know why it is so important – but it is! Be present with yourself, take a deep breath and check-in with your ego that might be hungry for a feed?

Keep it focussed.
Don’t bring other issues or arguments into your current conversation. That goes for any disagreement, ever. If you find that you can’t address how long you should travel for without mentioning what happened last week, guess what? That’s likely an issue you need to be addressing next.
 
Work as a team to find a solution.
Sometimes there might need to be more of a respectful compromise. Maybe the person who’s super invested in the holiday can be the researcher, and the other person will take control of the financial aspect. Whatever the solution, work together and show kindness the same as you would your neighbour or friend.
 
Everyday value differences are one of the most common problems couples face, and in the long run they can kind of be damaging. Bottling up your emotions is a fast way to an even worse problem, so it’s important to get it out in the open and deal with the issue like adults. Whether it’s holiday destinations, parenting, dishwashing or even food decisions, don’t let small value items turn into big value problems.
 
Most of all, be timely with your communicating your grievances. Don’t forget that respect and kindness is the foundation of your flourishing relationship. Enjoy the ride.

Listen in for my chat each Friday morning with Kristian on Radio Salt106.5.
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Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Have you seen that smart fridge where you don’t need to open the door to see what’s inside and it also communicates with Woollies if there’s something missing? I so need that! Is it more like I want it? In this crazy first world, it seems we absolutely need the latest groovy gadgets. Many are striving to keep up with Instagram worthy exotic holidays, eating way too much yet drowning in guilt for being too exhausted to get to gym. Are you working like crazy to haul in the required cash for this enviable lifestyle and ruminating over all the things you’re not?
 
We also can’t enjoy dynamic and flourishing relationships if you’re the withdrawn shadow of your former exuberant self. When you can’t contribute to your intimate partner, family and friends because you’re so exhausted, sad, depressed or full of self-loathing, many of your interactions won’t end so well.
 
Enjoy my top 10 tips to ensure you’re investing in your “Best Version of Yourself” for great relationships:

1. The comfort of your discomfort: Your whirring toxic thoughts of “can’t” and “not good enough” will continue to hold you in a vice like grip if you allow your brain to be stuck in the comfort of your discomfort. It sure is a cosy familiar place but only you control your thoughts which lead your mind and body.
2. Start with a breath and a bang: Up to eight minutes of mindful breathing or prayer nourishes your neural pathways and reinforces coherence in the heart, setting you up for success with clarity. Back this up with a list of the three most important things to do today that will have the largest impact. Bang!
3. See an Overwhelmologist: Who’s that? Mentors that tell you how they did it. They can break down where you want to be into bite size pieces to help you get there. It could be someone working in our dream industry, another parent at school you admire, a successful Uncle or a Counsellor ala moi!
4. Watch a thought leader online each week: For those who don’t like reading, you’ve got inspiration from reputable gurus on Youtube on your smart phone any day of the week on any topic such as relationships, real estate and finance!
5. Exercise: Edorphins, enhanced corticol blood flow, feel amazing - just do it.
6. Self-compassion: I’m thinking golf days, horse riding weekends, day spas, silent retreats, flotation tanks, brewery tours, a fluffy, bubbly bath at home or a book under a tree. Like me, I’m sure your to do list is endless and it’s important to not do as well. I even block gap time out on the calendar.
7. Be grateful: Write down three things each morning and three things each night. Include the best aspects of yourself you already feature instead of getting to stuck in what you’re not. Stick them in a jar and enjoy reading your time capsule which will include those days when you struggled to find one thing!
8. Build a “feel good” tribe: Surround yourself with inspirational people. Un-friend those who consistently leave you feeling like a lesser version of yourself.
9. Stop looking for shortcuts: Sorry to break it to you but those abs really won’t reveal themselves with a pill, your glowing skin won’t shine for eating hot pies and sauce and your dream job won’t be offered whilst Netflixing.
10. Experiment and learn a new thing each week: Fear will sure keep the lid on your wildly successful and wonderful ideas. Think like a scientist who relentlessly experiments, searches, tests and tracks their progress. When in doubt, bias toward experiment and action.

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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