The Noosa Festival of Surfing start on the weekend here with nine whole days of beautiful waves, boards, beaches, and surfing. Now this, is what the Sunshine Coast is all about. I have therefore teamed it with nine hot tips to overcoming your biggest block to deeply connected relationships in this Intimacy Inhibitors series.

This series is designed to rescue you from drowning in the ho-hum boring drum of flat conditions featuring less than fulfilling relationships with unnecessary large reef rocks to enjoying connection and deep love.

If you're methodical like me and need order, click on these previous articles, where I've covered:

• What frequency is your antenna tuned to? 
• Apathy
• Fear

Alongside the endless list of common human fears of sharks, jellyfish and needles in the sand is fear of rejection. It's an invisible phobia that causes us to recoil in horror, shock and sadness that can disable us for months, if not years at a time with devastating effects of being alienated, disappointed and lonely.  This is particularly long-lasting when repeatedly experienced as a child when a decision is subsequently made to avoid relying on others at all costs. Translate this behaviour to an adult intimate relationship and it’s a massive inhibitor to reaching out and enjoying closeness.

What do we do about it? We harness the power of our mind which is fabulously renewable, neuroplastic and fundamentally, changeable! You are not a victim to the tides that come and go to helplessly drift with the unhelpful decisions and beliefs of your past.

Here are your 9 Mind Management strategies for fear:
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1. Check your antenna frequency (refer to the first article in this series)
2. Tune in to your internal newsreel? What fearful words are you speaking into your life when you wake, washing the dishes, driving or surfing?
3. Write them down and consider when and why you bought into any of those toxic thoughts.
4. Write down three decisions you made as a result of these experiences to avoid future pain.
5. Validate your ingenious inherent design to adopt these self-preservation behaviours.
6. Write down three ways these decisions are not helping you enjoy intimacy and true closeness?
7. What three or more feelings do they evoke?
8. Ask yourself the benefit of bravely expressing them to someone?
9. Write down what life-giving, motivating and nurturing words you could be speaking into your life instead and ensure they infiltrate your world.

So drop into these 9 steps to approaching the exhilarating ride of intimacy. It won't always be a perfect 10 and there will be a few wipeouts. Like any new skill, it requires repetition and you'll be stoked with the results.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
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What are you scared of? Spiders, snakes, dogs, heights, flying, enclosed spaces, needles, storms? The list is endless of what frightens the heck out of us.

What about the one we can’t physically see that’s on top of the list of what petrifies humans (according to me)? What is this invisible phobia that causes us to recoil in horror, shock and sadness that can disable us for months, if not years at a time?

Rejection.

And what does rejection cause? Fear.

I’m spearheading through my first series for your 2020 – “Intimacy Inhibitors”. It’s designed to stop you in your tracks to ensure you’re not sabotaging your relationships with unnecessary road-blocks to your intimate relationship. These inhibitors are evident in my counselling room over and over again so why not cut your mistakes short and enjoy insight from the progress achieved from countless courageous clients over the years?

I’m longing for you to be “naked to the soul” in realising your true design to enjoy being with another special person and all the vulnerability that goes with it. I acknowledge the importance of feeling safe and secure when we can count on turning to our loved ones for support, love and connection. This doesn’t necessarily apply to just intimate partners but allowing our friends and family in. You flourish when you allow people into your inner world.

Why would you do this?

Because you fair much better when you share the load. Your brain lights up when you compassionately support someone else. You navigate the world knowing someone has got your back despite your flaws, failings and mistakes.

Why don’t we do this?

Fear and rejection. I can guarantee everyone on this planet has suffered rejection and all the devastating effects of being alienated, disappointed and lonely.  This is particularly long-lasting when repeatedly experienced as a child when a decision is made to avoid relying on others at all costs. Translate this behaviour to an adult intimate relationship and it’s challenging to reach out and enjoy closeness.

What do you do about it?

Realise your default personal news reel. After over a decade of counselling I’ve come to realise, no matter your charmed or compromised background, human nature sadly and too easily defaults to worthless self-talk. If we allow life’s whacks, clobbers and thrashings to permanently wire us to avoidance, we are trapped in pain and isolation. We’re more likely to judge and criticise others to deflect the perceived short-comings from within - all rooted in fear.

I look forward to stepping you through some steps to overcoming fear - this massive inhibitor to intimacy next week.
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Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
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School is back in, 
Aussie trade in full swing,
Valentine’s Day florists soon go “ka-ching”,
... and for me – great timing!

Yes, it’s a fabulous time of year for my latest and greatest momentous topic of utmost importance for your 2020, drum roll… “Intimacy Inhibitors”.

Turn the pages to this section of this magazine in recent years and you’ll be well familiar with my frequently used term, “we are designed relationally”.  That is, we feel safe and secure when we can count on turning to our loved ones for support, love and connection. Turn the pages of your life, and you’ll recall your highlight reel features sharing great moments with others, feeling loved, valued or appreciated. There are so many themes around this topic in the counselling room. I can’t wait to share with you some wonderful insights to giving and receiving the love you deserve.

Where do we start?

We get “naked to the soul”. Sounds a bit rude, however this is more about getting authentic with your own needs and turning on your “attachment antennae” to a healthy frequency. This wonderful analogy was gifted by authors and practitioners, Kallos-Lilly and Fitzgerald in their contribution to Emotionally Focussed Therapy. They explain those who’ve enjoyed positive childhood experiences of connecting with their parents of caregivers naturally tend to extend this to their romantic relationships. Those who’ve experienced a less than ideal childhood can feel a sense of loss and emptiness for what was missed.

As a result, our inherent need to survive and feel safe prompts some people to turn up their antennae or alert button to rejection from others. They can be hyper-sensitive to feelings of anxiousness when they sense others might let them down. They can be clingy and needy or try to control their partner to keep safe. Alternatively, those who keep their antennae turned down too low ensures they stay independent, avoid closeness and keep their distance. Both frequencies are their best attempts to cope to avoid the insecurity from a threatened bond with those closest and dear.

Understanding the needs of such anxious or avoidant behaviours is a helpful head start to appreciate and respect their need for space or responsiveness.

I look forward to revealing further aspects of being “naked to the soul” next week.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Don’t miss more on this in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com

2020 rhymes with “Plenty Plenty” and this is what you have to look forward to from my relationships column to keep you joyously connected this year! Aside from kicking off with this week's inspiring power couple, there will be an abundance of helpful researched based techniques, sometimes crazy and saucy ideas for you to relish in your relationships! I’ll be communicating so many of my copious inventive ideas, you’ll have no excuse to expend your utmost for an outstanding, flourishing and dynamic relationships in 2020!

Whilst I’ve produced a few workbooks, an app and a podcast along the way, I’m thrilled to be releasing my first book and “plenty plenty” more free tools and paid courses on my website this year. Enjoy your 2020 of relationship riches!

First up is my next feature couple in my inspiring trail-blazers series. These couples interviewed stand out particularly for their contributing successful woman, with insights on how they prosper in their career, motherhood, the family life juggle along with the important role of their man in their dynamic partnership. Introducing Amanda and Mark Yeates:
 
How did you meet and how long have you been married? 
Amanda: Going through uni, Mark was a boarding supervisor at Brisbane Boys College and I was a boarding supervisor at The Stuartholme School.  A mutual friend who we had both worked with introduced us at a high school dance we were both working at. 
 
Amanda, describe your journey to success in your current role?
I started with Transport and Main Roads in 2011.  Eighteen months ago, I was appointed Deputy Director General, Infrastructure and I am responsible for the delivery of the four year, $23 billion Qld Roads and Transport Investment Program. In 2013 we moved the family to the Sunshine Coast when I took up the role of Regional Director North Coast.  Whilst my role now has a state-wide context, TMR has strong flexible, agile work practices which have allowed me to remain based on the Sunshine Coast. 
 
Mark: Tell us about your journey to your role, impacting lives as a teacher?  
I started teaching in a full time capacity at Boystown in Beaudesert in 1993 worked and lived in under the amazing leadership of Br Bill Firman, who showed me what servant leadership and mentoring is all about. From that day till now I’m still trying every day to get it right. Some days I even get close! Being a educator is a gift, I am so lucky to have the opportunity to influence both individual and community futures. After 30 yrs of learning I have taught many subjects, these days I teach life through filters.
 
 Mark: What are the highs and lows of being the partner of a successful wife in the community?  
I think the best way to approach Amanda’s highs and lows is to celebrate what they bring. High’s bring happiness, joy and good times. Low’s bring similar things upon reflection, they bring support, evidence of love through empathy and our family tightens and digs deep to get through the situation. The sharing of good and bad with the people closest to us, ‘our immediate family’ always seems to bring joy.
 
What ages are your children and what stage has been the most challenging?   
 We have two girls, Felicity who is 15 and Heidi who is 13.
 
Amanda: When the kids were babies was when I found it the most challenging.  I think I was used to being able to plan and structure everything and then a couple of small humans came along who did not want to work to my plan!  Teenage years are upon us now so I am sure we are in for some fun in the near future!
 
Mark: The day after today!
 
 How do you make it work as a team at home and in your careers in the business and teaching world?
Amanda: Sometimes it is a well-choreographed operation and everything goes to plan. Then there are the other times when we run on complete chaos.  Somehow, though, we always seem to get there in the end.  We have a lot of other wonderful people in our ‘village’ and sometimes it means calling on grandparents to attend school assembly or an award presentation.  The girls attend Immanuel Lutheran College and there is a strong sense of community at the College so we find all the parents help each other out.    My parents also live next door so that helps when we are stuck for drop offs and pickups.  One particular person who really stands out for me is a wonderful woman called Erica who was studying at USC and who looked after the girls a few afternoons a week after school when they were younger.  Erica became an important member of our family and as the girls got older, Erica moved from babysitter to big sister/ mentor.  We were very lucky to have her and were sad to see her leave the Coast after she graduated last year but we are thrilled to watch how well she is doing in her career.  
 
Mark and I both have roles that have significant impact within the community and we both take our roles seriously.  I think what is critical though is that we don’t take ourselves too seriously- I think that has been the key to achieving balance. 
 
Mark: We do meet on Sunday night to align to planets for the week so both of us are comfortable with what will transpire. However, we also have been blessed by our community to have met several amazing young women to help raise our girls along their journey. All of these young women are now and will be forever part of our girls lives. Lauren, Jess, Erica and Amy helped us raise our wonderful children and to us, we are so very grateful they did, as our girls are our greatest achievement.
 
Are you satisfied with this current phase of your careers?
Amanda: The exciting part about being the leadership role I play in transport infrastructure is being involved in projects that connect people and support social and economic vibrancy.  I feel like I am at a point in my career where I have a significant opportunity to influence outcomes- not just for transport but to balance the right transport outcomes with economic, social and environmental considerations.  Being able to positively influence in this way is really rewarding and I am loving the point I am at in my career.
 
Mark: Yes! In recent years I worked in Gympie at a wonderful school called Victory College. The kids and staff were amazing. They gave me great opportunities to implement programs which really help students learn in the 21st century context. This year I commence a Secondary School role at Caloundra Christian College so I get to teach in the same community where I live.
 
Do you follow a the more traditional style of partnership or equally share roles and responsibilities at home?
Amanda: I think we have a less traditional partnership.  Mark has been extremely supportive of my career over the years and I think we have worked hard to support each other.  My work takes me away reasonably regularly so Mark is often the primary carer of our girls.   We don’t find it unusual, though I would say we are atypical.
 
Mark: I think we are both ‘doers’, if it needs to get done and it’s not getting done then we step up, it isn’t any different at home. Although we both often joke, that we are not good at things, in order that the other does it! But deep down we have each other’s backs, we’ve had a hell of a journey with some BIG ups and downs and we are tighter today than we’ve ever been. This is a good thing as our two girls look to manipulate just like any other teenager, so we need to have a story straight.
 
Do you think Australian society allows flexibility in the workplace for men as much as women to manage family alongside their working woman? Any other comments here?
 
Amanda:  I think workplaces are increasingly understanding the value of diversity- not just gender diversity- demographic, experimental and diverse thinking are critical to high performing in business.  I think the value of flexibility is increasingly understood by employees.  If you look senior leadership roles across many sectors there is still very low female representation and that is something I hope business and industry continue to pay attention to trying to change. 
 
There is a study by Terrance William Fitzsimmons called ‘Navigating CEO Appointments: Do Australia’s Top Male and Female CEOs Differ in How They Made it to the Top?’.  It is a really interesting look at challenging those male/ female social norms in the path to leadership. 
 
Mark: Flexible work is critical to all members of society. The needs of a human are complex and with empathy in the workspace we should be aiming for happy houses, as happy houses make happy workers. Then everyone wins, employers have people who want to work and want to go home to their kids. Here lies our secret, we love hanging with our families and we love our jobs.
 
Do you find time for self-compassion and if so, what do you do?  
Amanda: When the girls were younger, self-compassion was often the first thing to be sacrificed when we were time poor.  Now that they are getting older we are increasingly finding time for ourselves.  We are incredibly lucky to live where we do and whenever possible we will take a walk to Point Cartwright and watch the ocean.
 
Who do you rely on as a support network when things get tough?  
Amanda:  We have a great network of friends here on the Coast.  Sometimes we are all so busy we won’t see each other for weeks or months at a time but I know that if I need someone, we have friends around who will be here to support us in a heartbeat.  Being part of a village like that is a wonderful privilege. Sometimes you just need to cut yourself a break.  You don’t need to be the best employee/ business owner/ mother/ wife/ general ninja woman all of the time. 

Do you have an Australia Day tradition and how will you be celebrating this weekend?
Australia Day for us starts with the flag raising and welcome to country at the old Post Office at Buderim. The girls then march with their school, Immanuel College in the Grand Parade.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator, guest speaker and weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily. Don’t miss more on this in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE Spouse It Up Guide at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com

No more sleeps until Christmas and I'm so proud to welcome to our third inspiring couple featured to support you through this crazy fun time of festivities. It was an honour to interview this extremely busy and successful couple.  They’ve founded their business on a passion and embellishing the incredible talent of a local artist and husband team whom we get to call our own. They are the ultimate High School sweethearts, meeting in Echuca. 17 years of marriage later and now locals, they now proudly own and operate Sunshine Coast Art and Imagination School.
 
Jess, describe your journey to success in the world of art?
Since I was young, I have always been a bit of a dabbler, a creative, fairly messy and was always making something. At 17 I began to find art soothing and helpful for stress relief and I got hooked. I drew more and more to express myself but it wasn’t till I was a mother at 23 I really got into to the practice of art making. I was home with my baby and needed an outlet. 6 years ago, I decided to start entering my work in awards and found myself being a finalist in the Archibald Prize. From there I became more involved in our national art awards and exhibitions. I began thinking of my work as art that mattered and tried to imagine myself as a ‘real’ artist. That feeling has never landed for me, but I'm lucky enough to now make art every day and sometime people even buy it, which is amazing!

Jess, what has been a career highlight?
Well obviously, the Archibald Prize is a highlight because I dreamed about it since I was a teenager, but I think my biggest career highlight is actually not my work finaling in awards like I thought would be. A career highlight for me is my art school becoming a hub for local artists, a space where beginner and emerging artists gather to make art. This year over 700 people attended the opening night of our annual student exhibition and seeing that impact on a community is what really floats my boat. I have always believed that art can enrich our human experience, both making it and viewing it, so having an art school where people are using art to bring beauty & hope, that's the real highlight for me. 

Dylan, tell us about your role in the business.
I manage the Art School Co. and everything to do with Jess’ artwork. Our school currently has over 300 weekly students and we also have a retail art shop where the public can purchase art supplies. I manage the day-to-day of business operations. 

Dylan, what are highs and lows of working together in your important contribution behind the scenes?  
The highs that come to mind are that we get to work for ourselves and build a business that suits our lifestyle. We get to see each other every day and spend a fair bit of time with the kids. We surprisingly work really well together but like any 'successful' partnership, it has taken time and lots of work. We have an understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses and complement each other well. I would rather be behind the scenes and Jess has no issue with being in the spotlight! The lows that come to mind are that because we do so much business and family together, we sometimes take each other of granted, we get snappy and short with each other and often forget that we’re lovers. Coming back to that simple fact every day is a good practice. 

Congratulations on surviving the first week of December! Hold on tight as it’s usually a jam-packed month of frivolity, well-meaning friends and family keen to catch up all at once. You might be experiencing the accompanying stressful work pressures like no other time of the year?
 
Enjoy my second couple in this current series of admirable trail blazing couples on the Sunshine Coast featured to inspire us with how they manage to stay cohesive and most importantly, sane during the festive season.
 
This week features, the high-profile radio announcer, Caroline Hutchinson and her husband, John. Whilst she’s been rocking our air waves, John also worked in the industry and in his own business whilst raising a family. Read on to find out how they did it.
 
How did you meet and how long have you been married? 
Caroline: We have been married 30 years.  We met at radio school (AFTRS) in 1988.  It was just after my dad died and I was immediately attracted to John’s gentle nature and kindness.  He’s also really smart and did most of my assignments.
 
Caroline:  Describe your journey to success in your current role as an announcer at MixFM?
I started out in TV (reporter), then moved into radio after I had my second child. I did an overnight show called Truck Radio and then got the offer to come to Mix FM!
 
Caroline: Are you content with where you're at in your career right now? Why or Why not?
 I love it.  I would sit with Mark and drink tea, talking rubbish and doing stuff for the community for free.  I am just really lucky to get paid for it.
 
John: What are highs and lows of being the partner of a high profile wife in the community?  
Caroline has made an art form of letting her listeners into her life every day. For me, and our kids, there are practically no secrets kept from the audience that she loves so much. The upside of that is that I can go to work and not have to explain my weekend DIY disasters; they’re generally well publicised before I get there. On a more serious note, Caroline openly discusses on-air issues that are important to both of us, and that can help start conversations in my circles that otherwise mightn’t be had.
 
 John: Tell us about "Kook" and your role there.
Kook is what’s now known as a digital agency. We manage the various parts of where businesses need to be online, whether that’s your website, your social media, or your entire online marketing strategy. I’m one of three owners of Kook. We all work in the business, as part of a team of 17 people. My role gravitates mainly towards sales and marketing. Because web can be overwhelming, it’s our focus to actually talk to our customers, and I really love that interaction with our customers.
 
How do you make it work as a team at home and in the business world? 
Caroline: We write a lot of emails during the day…John runs our life on Outlook …and we are both pretty keen on each  other, so it’s generally drama free.
 
John: Give and take. When we had a house of young kids, we were actually thankful that I could get the day started, and Caroline could generally be home by the end of the school day. That trained us into juggling home and work pretty well, and as the kids grew up, that balancing act seemed to get easier. I know the radio business well, so understand Caroline’s work demands. The time she puts into work beyond just being on-air is a lot of what everyone, including me, loves her for. So between us we’ve just always made it happen.
 
Do you follow a more traditional style of partnership or equally share roles and responsibilities at home?
Caroline: We are incredibly traditional.  I run the kitchen, the inside organisation and the social calendar.  John runs the home maintenance and the money.
 
John: Caroline jokes about being a “50’s housewife” when it comes to managing money and technology. On the other hand, I don’t expect I’ll ever have to prepare a meal or organise a dinner party in my life. We arrived at a comfortable division of duties sort of organically. We’ve never checked on whether it’s an even split; if we were worried about that, we’d have a different issue.
 
What ages are your children and what stage has been the most challenging? 
Caroline: Our kids are all grown up, 28, 24 and 22.  They are really easy now obviously!!  I think the toddler years are challenging, simply because they are unrelenting.  You have a terrorist in your house who is capable of tearing the joint apart with no idea why they shouldn’t.  Thank goodness they’re cute!!  As they get older, the challenges are more psychological but I found that stage easier to navigate.   
 
John: Gabe is 28 and just started his own law practice Clutch Legal. Milli is 25 shortly and is a media officer for RACQ LifeFlight, the rescue helicopters. Jemima will be 23 on Boxing Day. She’s working as a paramedic in the UK. The teens were the hardest part for me working out kids, although ours were far from “problem children”. I think it’s about that twilight zone in between childhood and adulthood; they’re not quite either, and there are simply some behaviours that comes with working it out.
 
 Do you think Australian society allows flexibility in the workplace for men as much as women to manage family alongside their working woman?
Caroline: I have been really lucky to work for an extremely family friendly employer.  I have always been able to have my kids at work (they were raised in the radio station) and because I work shift work I could be home in the afternoons, which was a blessing.  I don’t know how parents who work 9-5 do it, to be honest.  Rushing home for homework, cooking, washing, baths and bed without a moment to yourself, sounds a lot harder than my lot.
 
John: I think tradition has meant that blokes haven’t been afforded the same freedoms that women have when it comes to balancing work with parenting. But like so many “norms” that’s changing rapidly. I’d like to think Kook gives all our team the leeway when needed on these things, but we’re far from being radical in that area. The transition will be different for every business, but change is happening.
 
Do you find time for self-compassion and if so, what do you do? 
Caroline:  I wasn’t good at it when the kids were little, simply because I always felt too busy (I know other women do it, I just never managed it very well)  But I have a lot more time now and do yoga at least three times a week and walk my dogs on the days I don’t namaste.
 
John: I’m OK at getting alone time away from the white noise that a hectic life can generate. Working in the yard is a good place to start for me. And while Caroline is better at exercising our dogs than I am, a long walk with the hounds puts me in a good headspace too. I have a theory that we’ve lost the important art of doing nothing.
   
Who do you rely on as a support network when things get tough?  
Caroline: John has always been my go to person, along with my mum, whom I am really close to.  But I am incredibly lucky.  John and I have a group of friends that is like family and now our kids are adults I would say they are our support network too.  Grown up kids are a beautiful thing.  
 
John: Caroline is one of the greatest fans of Christmas. In some circles, she may be described as manic, but I remember to love what she loves about it; family being home, seeing friends, food, and general festivity! It’s a year-long process for her, and our relationship survives the seasonal stress because of her planning.
 
In the lead up to Christmas, how do you manage the demands of this hectic season whilst maintaining a connected and attentive relationship?
Caroline: John runs Outlook like a boss.  We make a rule to go to things together (which is probably tougher on John because he gets dragged to my things when he could be home watching TV!) But we love the silly season.  It’s a great reason to get together with people you don’t see often and toast the year.
 
John: Ultimately, I rely on Caroline. I now have kids who can reason out things as well as any of my adult friends. I also have a couple of very close mates whose ear I can bend.

My takeaways? Traditional family values shine through again, attend more functions together than apart and appreciate each other's passions.
 
Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator, guest speaker and weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily. Don’t miss more on this in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE Spouse It Up Guide at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com

November and December bring an awfully fun frenzy along with varied stressful pressures like no other time of the year. For this reason, I’ve researched a series of admirable trail blazing couples on the Sunshine Coast to inspire us with how they manage to stay cohesive and most importantly, sane!
 
I’m particularly interested in revealing if their relationship or marriage help or hinder their success? Our changing times feature more entrepreneurial business-women than ever before. Some are the primary income earner and rely on their partner for caring for the children. Do our current work arrangements cater to this? Despite equally contributing to a business, do these couples integrate the more traditional gender specific roles or stray from the norm?
 
I know you’ll love their behind the scenes stories, challenges and sage advice. The first features frontierswoman, Rebecca Domorev and husband, Alexei. Enjoy my interesting chat with them:
 
How did your lives collide?
 
We met in Saint Petersburg, Russia one fateful afternoon in September 2001 after church amongst mutual friends. I had been studying abroad (singing and Russian language) at the Rimsky-Korsakov Conservatory of Music for several months and made close friends with Alexei's friends while he was undertaking an internship in London. Three months later we were engaged and then married in May 2003 in a fairytale Russian marriage palace on the river Neva in St Petersburg.
 
We have been married for 16 years.
 
Tell us about Tielka Tea and your role in the business?
 
Rebecca: Tielka is a boutique organic tea company that is passionate about a lifestyle of rest and joy through the beautiful ceremony of tea-time. I am at the forefront of the business, taking responsibility for the day-to-day operations, from sales, customer service, warehouse management, bookkeeping, marketing etc, you name it - I'm doing it!
 
What are your business connections to the Sunshine Coast?
 
Rebecca: I sometimes call Tielka the adopted child of the Sunshine Coast Food and Agribusiness Network - we were one of 13 food businesses that was selected to take part in Sunshine Coast's GrowCoastal food accelerator program earlier this year and are building our biggest presence on the Sunshine Coast with the support of FAN. 
 
Rebecca, describe your journey to success in your current role in the business?
 
I think the journey to success is never a completed process, I still feel like I am on that long road full of ups and downs! There have absolutely been successes along the road, and it has been off the back of raw determination, persistence and grit.
 
Rebecca, are you content with where the business is at right now? Why or Why not?
 
Of course not! As a perpetual entrepreneur with forever evolving ideas and goals, I don't think I will ever be content with where the business is at. It's both a curse and a blessing, forever frustrating and driving me on! Naturally I would like to see our turnover and shelf / cafe presence grow in Australia and then beyond Australia into export. I would also love to see the inspiration behind Tielka, a life marked by rest and joy, be imbedded deeper into our identity and communicated more heavily to those we want to reach.
 
 Alexei, what is your role in Tielka? 
 
When we started Tielka, I was in the middle of my MBA at Melbourne Business School. It was a very exciting time, because I was able to apply newly acquired knowledge in business strategy, marketing, consumer behaviour and research straight to our business. One of those lessons that stood out to me was from the Brand Management class taught by a renowned professor of marketing Mark Ritson. The best brand managers build their brands in the background, letting the founder take the spotlight. That is why I am quite ok with being at the Tielka's background, helping Rebecca with strategic direction, marketing and design. I tend to stay away from the operational part of it as I had to learn the delicate balance between being right and being happy. 

Alexei, how do you make it work as a team at home and in the business world?
 
Anyone involved in running a small business would know that it's almost impossible to separate your home life from your business. Our dinner conversations quite often involve topics such as food supply chain, branding, packaging design or global food trends. Our two oldest boys (who are 8 and 13) are quite accustomed to looking at the world around them from a business perspective. Sometimes when it gets too much, we give each other permission to tap out from the conversation and change the topic. We are also used to the idea of tag teaming. For example, I will look after our youngest in the late morning or pick up his brothers from school, allowing Rebecca to focus on the business. In the afternoon we usually swap.
 
Do you follow a more traditional style of partnership or equally share roles and responsibilities at home?
 
Rebecca: I would say we have a partnership that leans towards a more traditional style. The domestic duties tend to fall on my shoulders with the support of Alexei and Alexei has typically taken the responsibility of being the primary provider. The current uncertain financial atmosphere in Australia are impacting us and not ideally, we are leaning more heavily on Tielka for provision.
 
Alexei: I come from a very traditional Eastern European background, where roles and responsibilities at home are pretty much defined by your gender. Both of my parents worked full time, yet my mum managed the household, while my dad had a more demanding physical job, so he would help around the house only on the weekends. That was the model I grew up with. The culture in Australia is a bit more relaxed in that regard. I think what helps us a lot in managing business and household is our parenting style. We have been quite intentional in involving our kids and sharing responsibilities at home with them. For example, we rarely have to do the dishes after dinner as it is our boys' responsibility now. One will clear the table, and the other one will load the dishwasher and handwash whatever is left. They also earn their screen time by doing other chores like hanging the washing, folding the clothes or collecting palm fronds in the backyard. It's not unusual for them to ask if there is anything they can do around the house to earn time. It is a win-win situation for everyone. 

Social connectedness has a bigger impact on health than giving up smoking, reducing excessive drinking, reducing obesity and any other preventative interventions? Whilst these strategies are going to enhance your lifestyle, modern medicine is realising the importance of integrating the most effective intervention for improving health and longevity - social relationships!
 
This month, I’m highlighting the contribution of social researcher and bestselling author, Hugh Mackay whose accolades include an Officer of the Order of Australia and Fellow of the Australian Psychological Society to name a few. I was honoured to interview Hugh and taking much delight in revealing his insight and wisdom that complements my contribution as a Relationships Therapist.
 
We are created relational social beings. When we feel loved, secure and attached to our people and surroundings, we flourish. Look beyond the symptoms of our anxiety epidemic and you’ll likely see social fragmentation behind it. An example of social fragmentation is one household in four has one person living in it with this trend set to decrease to one in three. Fragmentation features 35%-40% of marriages that end in divorce (a massive ripple effect on society and generations including children who transition between parents’ houses or choose to live independently earlier.) Busyness is our badge of honour and the information technology boom that as Mackay says, “makes us feel more connected than ever before. On the other hand, it makes it easier than ever for us to stay apart from each other and to settle for a text or a tweet, rather than a phone call, let alone a cup of coffee. We are getting used to the idea that you can communicate without human presence.”
 
In my experience in the Counselling room, loneliness and disconnection is usually the root cause of addictions. “For too long now, we have been living in a society that revolves around individualism and consumerism.” says Mackay, citing them as the “twin vanities”.
 
Hugh emphasizes this in what he calls being entangled in the QPL syndrome: the quest for the perfect latte. He says our sense of lack of control in the world causes us to seek fulfillment through bathroom renos, breast implants, enviable holidays we can Instagram and demand the perfect latte. We are ensnared in the false belief we will be happy when we get what we think we deserve. In reality, it is a never-ending chasm to fill and the root of entitlement and narcissism. Mackay says we have “lost sight of our true nature as people who belong to a society. We are, each of us, organically linked to the whole; its problems are our problems; the pain of any is the pain of all”.
 
Beyond Blue reveals two million Australians are suffering from a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Whilst youth suicide is falling, sadly our overall rate of suicide is still rising. Men are three times more likely to die of suicide, with approximately six male deaths per day.
 
What is going to counteract these frightening statistics? Find someone to work out or walk with, call a buddy for a beer, join the choir, pottery class and be brave enough to knock on your neighbour’s door. Your brain lights up when you’re connected, needed and contributing to the lives of others. Fellas can have a chilled out catch up at Sunshine Coast’s very own local initiative, www.grablifebytheballs.com.au which is expanding across Australia. There’s a plethora of women’s networking events in business, playgroups and hobbies. Use your screen for good today to search out some connections suited to you and courageously make contact. You’ll likely live a longer and healthier life.
 
I personally think it’s ok if you enjoy finding good coffee! 
 
If you’d like to know more on the Suicide Prevention Program at the Sunshine Coast Mind and Neuroscience -Thompson Institute, visit www.thealliance.org.au.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Don’t miss more on this in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your Spouse It Up Guide at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
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Imagine if the Sunshine Coast experienced an additional wave of happiness, love, compassion and well-being. What if we became renown as the Sunshine Compassionate Coast? Envision our emergency hospital admissions being reduced by 30%, drastically alleviating the healthcare budget? Visualise our new express train to and from the big smoke to catch a show or attend a meeting with the proceeds!

I’m not suggesting this image requires all fellas needs to buy into that hipster bun look and sign “peace it out” as you take your morning beach walk, wearing nothing but a blanket. This also won’t require chanting or the clanging of symbals.

I’m putting out a challenge to all Sunshine Coasters to take part in alleviating the epidemic of anxiety, depression and spiralling mental-health with another solution!
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It was brought to my attention by Hugh Mackay, author, Sociologist, Psychologist and Social Researcher during my interview about the astounding results from the “Compassionate Frome” project.

Frome Medical Practice, serving the 28,000 population in Frome, Somerset in the United Kingdo, have taken the innovative approach of combining a compassionate community programme of community development with routine medical care. They really did reduce emergency admissions to hospital by 30% over 3 years!

What was their secret antidote? They make standard use of the most effective intervention for improving health and longevity - social relationships!

Did you know that social connectedness has a bigger impact on health than giving up smoking, reducing excessive drinking, reducing obesity and any other preventative interventions?
Compassionate Communities UK note that “Until now, it has not been known how to use this in routine clinical practice.” They managed to reconnect people to their own supportive network and the extensive community activity that already exists. They recognise they don’t seek to take the place of social care but this is their methodology:

1.    Maximise the benefit of current supportive networks of family, friends and neighbours and the resulting care and connectedness, love and laughter, sharing companionship and values. Some of this is task related to caring and some is increasing a sense of belonging in communities.
2.    Building networks of support for the routine matters of life, shopping, cooking, cleaning, looking after the garden and pets, providing lifts.
3.    Linking to community activity, such as choir, walking groups, men’s sheds, talking cafes and other interest groups where people can make friendships and share life’s events. 
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Together, compassionate communities help to reduce isolation and loneliness and bring a sense of belonging into what is sometimes a disconnected society. 

Whilst you might not be able to claim your cuppa at Choir practise on Medicare, it’s certainly worth a try?

In the meantime, chat to that person behind the counter at the store, at the bus stop and be bold to make connections.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Don’t miss more on this in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your Spouse It Up Guide at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
 
If you’d like to know more on the Suicide Prevention Program at the Sunshine Coast Mind and Neuroscience -Thompson Institute, visit www.thealliance.org.au.