Food, glorious food! It’s the Noosa Food and Wine Festival next week and I’ll be there with bells on! The festival will play host to over 200 chefs, producers, winemakers and journalists with a passion for gourmet food and wine. We will be able to taste unique ingredients, watch demonstrations by leading chefs and take part in beach BBQ’s and the festival’s annual beach party. Bring it on, let’s UTF – Unite Through Food.
It got me thinking! Food is one of the wonderful necessities of life. We eat throughout our marriage and relationships and well, every part of our lives. Does Australian culture use this shared experience to strengthen our relationships, say like the Italians?
 
You may well have done the exciting and romantic dates in the early days at your favourite restaurants or on the beach as you gazed hopefully and lovingly into each other’s eyes. What about the every-day upkeep of our relationships?
 
Some of the best conversations you’ll have will be over a meal. It’s universally acknowledged as a great time to discuss a variety of topics, even difficult ones. Don’t underestimate the psychological and emotional benefits, namely social connection, intellectual stimulation, relaxation and romance.


Here’s my top tips for curating culinary cohesion for couples:
 
Give up multi-tasking. Hands up who eats in front of the TV or accompanied by a screen? Thought so. The trap of living under an unnecessary sense of urgency to be entertained, work and of course be ever present on social media can put you in chronic toxic stress and make you sick, including terrible indigestion! Turn off the screens and allow meals to be the perfect time to talk about your highs and lows. It will also slow you down and eat less.
 
Invest the time in home cooking. Savour the satisfaction of creating a dish and likewise having your partner prepare something for you is something you can put loving care and effort into. (Hello husband, I hope you’re reading.) Sure, it’s still a meal, but when it’s made with love, it’s super special and tastes oh so much better! It’s like a tiny, tasty gift at the end of a long day.

Can’t cook? Try learning. This is the perfect joint activity. There are awesome options to do this together here on the Sunshine Coast. Putting in the effort to improve yourself for the sake of your relationship shows a great deal of love and dedication.

Create the mood: Arty and bright or warm and dark tonight? Use those funky little string lights, draw something, use aromatic candles and swoon to the music. Want to feel sophisticated? Throw on some classical. Tweak the atmosphere in your house and bang - date night is on.

Relax and enjoy yourselves! Just because you switched off technology doesn’t mean you need to be super formal. Sit back, relax and chill. Why not kick back on the floor whilst eating for a change? If there are little munchkins in the house, they’ll love a snackable spread on a blanket. Plenty of other cultures do it.

Make it habitual:  It’s all wonderful to now decide to “eat together more often.” Why not hand write a specific goal, ie “Eat together as a family at the table three times per week on a Tuesday…”. Paste this up on the fridge for ALL to see and practice, practice, practice. Keep each other accountable and after 30 days, it’ll be the start of the norm of UTF for you!
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Just another heads up for your calendar! There’s the inaugural The Curated Plate culinary festival between 8-11 August so head online to grab your tickets.
 
See you on Noosa beach next weekend! I’ll be the one with the empty plate.  
 
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest on Salt106.5, professional relationship counsellor and certified neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

Now here’s a fabulous 2019 idea for all Sunshine Coast “marrieds”.
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It’s not necessarily an expensive idea and can be as big, little and public or private as you like. It brings you back to why you married in the first place. It’s not a totally new concept and admittedly one I had previously considered a little cheesy, pointless and an excuse to “look at me”.
That was until I journeyed with a couple in therapy who’d been confronted by major relationship trauma. They sought to start the new year fresh and connected. They drew a line in our pristine Noosa sand that marked building a brand-new shiny castle of a relationship built on a solid foundation of greater understanding and growth they’d achieved through significant adversity the year prior. 

They’d given me the honour to officiate with a renewal of their vows on a glorious New Year’s Day morning on the beach accompanied by one friend, a camera, their beautiful children and some personal touches on the beach.

Not only was I thrilled to revel in the joy from contributing to this couple but amazed by their tenacity and strength to intentionally forgive and turn toward each other through this beautiful ritual. As you could imagine, it was emotional. I loved them, I loved the ritual, I loved myself and loved this poignant start to the year! Here’s why I wanted to share the idea:

• It can be a powerful re-anchoring of each promise you gave to each other. Did you really have any idea what you entered in to all starry-eyed way back when?
• Many couples can spend hundreds of hours planning their wedding, not so many hours writing their vows and like me, barely remember them. (Did I really say obey?)
• How many of us revisit them? A wonderful reason to dig them out and spend a bit more time crafting or integrating the old with new ones based on your experiences now you’ve been through a bit of sickness and health. You might be richer or poorer and likely delighted, disappointed, and sometimes disillusioned by them.
• Those vows are then more likely to be at the forefront of your text messages, birthday cards and daily interactions. The words are reignited with on-going life.
• Rather than see the marriage commitment and its related promises as a given, you are reminded to recognise how your union will shift, change and honour the right for it to do so.
• As an annual ritual, it helps you intentionally make that decision to be the best spouse you can be even on those days you might slightly dislike them.
• Regularity facilitates your promise as it shepherds your milestones of life.
• You are encouraged to assess and review your contribution to the marriage. Can you both deliver and receive feedback in a non-blaming way? Have you created an enviable quality marriage any children can mentor from and impact generations?
• The Sunshine Coast has incredible locations to host your gob-smacking back drop or simply use the privacy of the current love-pad you’ve built together.
• You celebrate!

 If this is not your first marriage, even more reason to invest your time on this for a marked differential. Ask a special friend or family member to officiate. Go with a professional celebrant for all the on-trend professional bells and whistles. I’ve officiated once now so surely that makes me an expert? Happy to be at your service. I’ll bring tissues this time.

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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First article for the year and my first chance to throw out some wonderful ideas to stay close and connected to your partner through to 2019.

Why not carve out a moment in time during the next few days without distraction from any children, family and friends and turn toward each other. Use eye contact and intentionally engage to be present and open to possibilities. If there are responses or ideas you don’t agree with, enquire further and deepen your understanding instead of attempting to defend or shut down.

I can’t count the number of brave blokes that reveal they struggle with the right responses and conversation with their adoring female whose words flow freely and with magnitude - so here’s your guide. I know some will be tempted to uncomfortably retort with ridiculous and humorous answers but try also to be real and genuine for this time intended for closeness and connection:

1. What do you want less of in 2019?
2. What do you long for?
3. What has been the biggest drag for you this year?
4. What are you dreaming about most right now?
5. How can I help you this week?
6. How do you describe me to people who haven’t met me?
7. What are your favourite ways to spend time with me?
8. When were you last truly happy? What happened?
9. What is the best way I can show you I love you this coming year?
10. How can we unite to impact our world with more kindness?

 
I so relish the concept of new possibilities for 2019 in striving toward using your talents to even more potential. This includes levelling up your relationship and growing together for that flourishing dynamic you should expect.

Why not use the magical word “no” to a few activities to just “be” together? Block out some white space on your calendars for spontaneous nothingness. If you do head out socialising, tune in regularly with a reassuring pat or eye contact with your partner in amongst the hum of the group. Most of all, if you get to slow down at this time of year, be mindful of your daily interactions with respect and kindness. This is one of the keys to a great relationship moving forward.

If you’re single, it’s my desire you can fully enjoy this season in your life. If you seek to meet someone, strive to work on the best version of yourself to enhance your chances of joining forces with the best partner you deserve.

Finally, to get the best things, we often need to do hard things. Life includes pain so we can choose the pain of discipline of the pain of disappointment. Nothing happens without discipline!

I can’t wait to support individuals and couples either in my Counselling room or as readers of the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine in our community this year.

​Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

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Happy World Cliché Day!
 
Didn’t know there is a World Cliché Day? You can count on your friendly local relationships columnist to let you know it is today. You could say I’m killing two birds with one stone with this article: educating you about obscure international [insert vague thing here] days and providing relationship advice.
 
And yes, using lots of terrible clichés. More than you could poke a stick at. This article’s going to have clichés coming out its backside, so buckle up and get ready for a ride.
 
Let’s start with some fun facts about Cliché Day! A cliché is a phrase used over and over and over or an aspect of artistic work that occurs in films or music as often! If you can’t stand tired old clichés for fear of sounding stupid, this is your day to cleanse your system and get them all out.
 
What does any of this have to do with relationships?
 
Cliché dates.
 
We’ve all seen them in movies and on TV; read them in books or online lists. I’m talking candlelit dinners at fancy, European restaurants, walks on the beach, dinner and a show. You’ve probably rolled your eyes at half of them. Here’s the thing, clichés become clichés for a reason. Usually, because they were popular because people enjoyed them.
 
We might sit and wonder how something as uncreative as a romantic dinner at a French restaurant could make it into a multi-million-dollar movie? When was the last time you had a romantic dinner at a French restaurant? It’s nice. It’s fancy. It’s unusual. We even feature French cuisine on the Sunshine Coast.
 
It’s, well, romantic.
 
So why not use this incredibly bizarre day as an excuse to do all those sentimental, cliché romantic tropes we’ve seen in countless movies? You might realise how much you enjoy some of them. Just because something’s a cliché doesn’t mean it’s bad.
 

• A walk in the park. There are some beautiful parks around, and quite a few that are well-lit at nighttime for a special pre or post-dinner walk.
• Dinner and a movie. You can even combine the two by going to the Coast’s soon to be opened Gold Class cinema at Kawana where you can have your cake and eat it too. Enjoy a beverage with it.
• Candle-lit dinner. The ultimate cliché, yes — and that’s the point!
• A trip to the beach. Soak up the sun during the day or enjoy a cool ocean breeze and the sand between your toes on a starry night.

 
Get as corny and cringe-inducingly cliché as you can, blame it on being on World Cliché Day. Most of all, take the bull by the horns and enjoy the time with your partner having the cheesiest fun you can think of.
 
Footloose and fancy free? Don’t judge a book by its cover and take a risk for a cliché date with someone you might not usually go for on Tinder? Be wary, there’s no such thing as a free lunch though.

​Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at:
​ www.theconfidantecounselling.com
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If you’re interested in reading the full 36 questions, you can read them HERE.
 
Set one:
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set Two
1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
4. What do you value most in a friendship?
5. What is your most treasured memory?
6. What is your most terrible memory?
7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
8. What does friendship mean to you?
9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set Three
1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Is it really necessary to cut that deep to start with?
 
“Necessary”, not so much.
 
Useful, on the other hand, absolutely!

Joanne Wilson is a Sunshine Coast professional Counsellor and Neuropsychotherapist and feature relationships columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily, weekly radio guest for Salt 106.5  and enjoys inspiring the community through  guest speaking invitations and producing her own books, Pearls of Wisdom from the Thriving Thirties, The Relationship Rejuvenator E-Book.

Contact Jo on 0409 909 933 or [email protected].

Great to inspire the community with a reminder of the importance of the humble date in the media.  Read the article here: http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/go-dating-to-keep-love-alive/2540134/