​The secret alternative to therapy in 2019

Let’s hope you found a way to jig merrily in your own special way into the year. I like to think the first few days of New Year are like a slow tempo of recovery. It’s about now when a vast majority pick up the beat and re-evaluate where they’re at in life or their relationship.
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Hopefully you’re on a roll and seek to gain even more momentum with a hip hop to it again this year. Thankfully, many couples will learn new moves to avoid a repeat of the stilted tune they danced in their relationship in 2018. Does the music stop at times, falling to a deafening silence between you for days on end? Maybe it’s more like sadcore rock characterised by bleak lyrics and harsh words. You’re wondering how you find yourselves caught in the same monotonous dance repeating the same moves attempting to side step your way out of disagreement trapped in isolation and loneliness for days on end. 

Do you find the concept of trawling online for a professional to help you with your relationship problems frightfully confronting? Is it way too inappropriate to reveal to your friends to ask for someone they might know who could help? If you’re not at a point where you’re able to reach out in person to a friendly therapist like myself, there’s a secret alternative. No-one will see or know! It’s totally confidential, private and you can take as long as you like. It’s like your own private counsellor in your bedroom – a book! Here’s my list to get your started. If you're single, now is your time to gain valuable insight for your next partnership. It’s also a great foundation to launch yourselves for Relationship Counselling later if you need it:

Hold me Tight: by Susan Johnson: Forget about learning how to argue better, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Susan helps you recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. Based on her Emotionally Focussed Therapy style, it focusses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship. It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond.
Love Sense: also by Susan Johnson – builds on practical, accessible advice on building more intimacy, safety, and trust; coping with separation distress, loss, and forgiveness; and strengthening your safe-haven relationship to build a lifetime of love. It can change the way you think about love and I love the way she thinks!
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is an oldie but a goodie! Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the way side. This book is about saying it and hearing it clearly. No gimmicks and no psychoanalysing required here. There’s also the Five Love Languages for Children, Teenagers and Singles. If you haven’t unveiled your love language or that of your spouse  and children, it’s a wonderful simple concept - a must for 2019.

It is never too late to begin to learn to dance a new groove in the new year as a couple. I can’t wait to expand on your own confidential Counsellor’s list next week. 

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
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