Jane and Mark are great communicators.
Their lifestyle is organised, structured and fun for their four children all under 14 years old. Despite Mark working full time and Jane part-time, all children enjoy at least two activities outside school hours each week. One child has special needs and attends additional therapies. Despite this, their lifestyle ticks along extremely well. Jane and Mark have rarely argued throughout their 16-year marriage.
Why then, were they in my counselling room?
Gorgeous and articulate Jane described her painful feelings of disconnection and loneliness. Mark bravely recounted his continual disappointed with the lack of intimacy in the bedroom. Together, we unveiled that their communication was lacking depth and intimacy.
The team at Focus on the Family recently alerted me to the very apt term, “In-too-me-see” by Erwin Raphael McManus.
We long to be truly “seen”. Real intimacy makes us feel alive. We love being talked to, not at. We flourish when spoken to in a respectful, kind and caring tone - even when we disagree. It is such a gift when our partner takes the time to ask questions for clarification to help us truly understand ourselves and ask for what we need.
Meaningful communication also includes being courageously vulnerable to push beyond past hurts to reveal what is really going on?
Do you allow your partner in?
I collaborated with Jane and Mark who:
They found excitement and passion to be doing life not just alongside each other but entwined! They now take the time to peer into the depths of each other’s soul to really see each other there.
Celebrate Marriage Week with me on Saturday 18 September at a free webinar discussing, “Intimacy is not just physical” with Kate and Brett Ryan of Focus on the Family.
Secure your spot HERE.
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more on her online courses at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
Photo by Anh Henry Nguyen on Unsplash
Have you ever struggled to comprehend or accept your partner’s previous life before you? Maybe they can’t handle your horrible histories?
Welcome to Part 2 of my Top 10 Worst Relationship Mistakes Series. Here are some particularly challenging topics I’ve noticed when you can’t get past your spouse’s past:
Questions you might naturally ask yourself:
10 successful tips that have helped couples I've worked with overcoming the demons of their past:
Don’t forget to check out Jo's Facebook Lives on Relationship Rehab with Jo to inject some relational inspirations into your week!
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more about her latest relationships mini-course intake at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com Early-bird pricing concludes 21 August 2021.
Welcome to the “Top 10 Worst Relationship Mistakes” series as noticed in the counselling room. You are welcome to enjoy this also from personal experience as a married relationship therapist who is living and breathing the wondrous relationship reality!
Not only have I made many of these mistakes myself, but it is helpful to be reminded that we have our “best attempts to cope” with relationship situations, and I believe we are not inherently mean!
This series does not include malicious behaviours such as narcissism or those that result in abuse from being under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Whilst these are massive mistakes, this series reflects those common errors that undermine great relationship dynamics.
To kick off this series, let’s go with a so very important topic:
Leaving it to one person to initiate Intimacy. The focus here is not just sex, but touch of any form such as cuddles, rubs, cute little slaps, tickles – any form of physical connection!
Stereotypes would assume that blokes will always be the one to initiate sex, however this truly isn’t the case. There are thousands of libidinous females out there who long for the touch of their partner and for all sorts of reasons aren’t able to enjoy this.
For either sex, when it is always left to them to physically reach out for love, it eventually results in rejection, then even symptoms of grief.
The beautiful dialogues that I have the privilege of hearing in the counselling room, include the sense of vulnerability, fulfillment, heightened sense of masculinity or femininity that results when there is mutual and consensual enjoyment through intimacy.
Unless it is otherwise arranged, why not check in with your partner on their level of fulfillment on who is kicking things off in the bedroom, the kitchen or wherever is a good place for you to enjoy contact?
Take this chance to enjoy a healthy conversation on:
- What does sexual fulfillment mean?
- In their opinion, who usually initiates intimacy?
- What flirtatious activities do you appreciate outside the bedroom?
- What's on your Intimacy Wish List?
Check out this series on my Instagram TV channel and the Podcast!
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised.
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focussed Therapy and Emotionally Focussed Therapy may be incorporated.
Relationship Specialist for Individuals and Couples online around the world and servicing areas for face to face sessions including Caloundra, Noosa, Noosaville, Buderim, Mountain Creek, Gympie.