You're not alone if feeling alone in your relationship...

​Ever suffer from loneliness in your relationship?
 
If so, be assured you’re not alone feeling alone in your relationship.
 
Common category causes for loneliness reported in the counselling room are the three S's: Soapies, Screens and Schedules. I’m also adding “Transparency” to the list.
 
Soapies: Who doesn’t love some escapism in a captivating show whether it be a doco or the next episode of whatever you’re into for downtime and zoning out. The common scenario however is a couple watching something different and often in different rooms. It is not going to be conducive to quality time.
 
Try and make sure that you take time to align yourselves with something that is interesting to both of you every now and again. Maybe even try a new hobby outside and get out of the tv rut?
 
Screens: The hand-held type. I refer to my screen as my “third arm”.  I use it for my entertainment, scheduling, a recipe or…. basically everything. It has become an extension of me.  I also need to make sure that the people most important to me are not playing second fiddle to that screen that is all too consuming.
 
Technology has sure been a lifesaver in many respects, but also a relationship sucker. Make sure you have boundaries that could include screen free zones such as the bedroom, time restrictions,  or certain days without technology.
 
Schedules: Particularly for people with children or just you with the hectic lifestyle, it is important to make sure that you collide (in a good way!) with your partner on an ongoing basis. Carve out some time each day, lock it in and turn up! Just 15 minutes a day can be transformational.

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Why not ask, “How can I help you get through this week?” “What's troubling you the most?” or “What made you laugh today?”.  It is too easy to tag team or become complacent about remembering who you live with and what you loved most about them at the start.
 
Transparency: It is not uncommon to have trouble putting thoughts and feelings into words. How challenging is it therefore to be transparent and share at an intimate level? Take the time to learn strategies to share with your partner at a deeper level. There is no better gift than sharing  the mental load and creating new experiences based on confiding and some fun flirting along the way.
 
Real happiness does not come from getting everything you want. It comes from sharing what you have with the people who matter.
 
Speaking of schedules, don’t forget to diarse my Facebook Lives each Therapeutic Thursday morning for Thriving Relationships to inject some relational inspirations into your weekend!
 
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com