When you don’t feel supported in your relationship...

Remember when you and your partner spent hours talking into the wee hours with adoring eye contact? 
 
You started out strong!  


Fast forward>>> a few years later and you become passing ships in the night. Add children in between those ships and those noisy, demanding little foghorns become the priority as you navigate parenthood and the rest of life’s big dippers.
 
We can forget that our partner is there bobbing alongside us and might need meaningful support at times. So do you! This can foster loneliness and resentment. We miss the friendship, partnership and the gift of connection we used to enjoy.
 
Let me help you with a few ideas for meaningful support that you should be able to assertively ask for, or provide for your partner!
 
The FIRST big tip is to use “F” words! 
 
Yes, that’s right... “feeling” words. For example, “I would feel happier or ecstatic if….” , “I would feel so loved when…..”  
 
An integral aspect of my relationship therapy is coaching couples to deliver feedback in a non-blaming way so it can be received that way. In our miraculous humanness, we naturally default to, “You never….”, “You always…”, “You don’t……” 
 
In your pursuit for that thriving, connected and flourishing relationship, consider your delivery when seeking meaningful support this weekend!
 
Types of emotional support you could ask for or provide are:

• Appreciation: “Thank you for taking care of…”
• Celebration: “You rocked that…”

---

via GIPHY

• Reassurance: “I’m here for you.”
• Empathy: “That must’ve been tough when...”
• Physical Affection: Hug, cuddle, bott bott slap?
• Encouragement: “You’ve got this, and I know you can…”
• Comfort and distraction: “This is super tough, why don’t I get you….”
• Helpful feedback: “I like the way you… and could also try…”
• Sharing responsibilities around the home and parenting. Swap a few roles so you share the loathsome tasks!
• Brainstorming and idea generation: “Let’s think of 50 other ways we can…”
• Problem solving: “We could try… or… instead?”
• Planning for the future: “Where do you want to be in two years’ time?”
• Research: “Can I look that up for you?”

 
Your emotional safety thrives on knowing you can count on each other in ways you need it the most. Cut your partner a break and don’t assume they already know how. Gift each other some specific ideas in the way you will hear each other the most and cruise on in the same direction!
 
Don’t forget to diarise my Facebook Lives each Therapeutic Thursday morning for Thriving Relationships to inject some relational inspirations into your weekend!
 
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com