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How would you rate yourself on the “change scale”? Revel, avoid or somewhere open to it and in between? In the counselling room, it’s often a point of contention when couples find they are “poles apart” from their partner on the “change scale” in their personality analysis. This would explain why your husband might be frustrated at your frequent need to rearrange the lounge room furniture, experiment with new recipes and become aghast when you exclaim that you both must jump in the car and drive to Cairns for a few days, leaving today! Maybe it is you that recoils in horror at the thought of moving house ever again? Do you take all necessary precautions to avoid drinking out of anything other than your usual coffee mug? Maybe you can’t even contemplate July when you won’t be able to physically turn the pages of your Sunshine Coast Daily magazine during your Saturday morning ritual and need to source your local news from your phone?
For many, the same expectation for each day is a place of comfort and any alteration change creates confusion and even anxiety. The reality is, we can attempt to control our environment as much as possible however unexpected change are an integral part of life from which we could all do with life skills to cope. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, work redundancy, neighbours moving on, illness and COVID-19 are also in this category. Some elements of life we glean status or become defined by but can change instantly and forever.
Adversely reacting to change is normal so don’t judge yourself. To be nervous about initiating change, even a good one is common. Whether it’s thrust on you or not, giving yourself credit for courageously approaching the effects versus avoiding emotions such as sadness, despair or confusion is a helpful mindset.
Initiating change? Constantly remind yourself why you’re doing it. What was the outcome you were seeking at the start and have you faltered or strayed from your end goal out of fear? It is common to be stuck in the comfort of your discomfort resulting in a stagnant nervous system that inhibits new, healthy neural pathways resulting in positive habits and happiness.
Unplanned uncontrollable change? Isolation increases your stress levels as does the fighting and fearing it. Whilst you might need to retreat momentarily, ensure you connect with others to share your woes, worries and “what if’s”. You’d be surprised how they can relate, been through something similar or might share a profound and productive way they cope.
Allow for self-compassion and any soothing rituals that make you feel better throughout the real rough patches. It can be a roller coaster of emotions so go for that run, watch tellie, eat something delicious and keep it all in moderation.
As you bravely embrace the unordinary, unfamiliar, weird and sometimes resultantly wonderful, remember change is inevitable. If you are well resourced with resilience skills, you can healthily expect the discomfort of the initial imbalance as you approach plan B, C and D.
Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these Sunshine Coast Daily articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised.
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focussed Therapy and Emotionally Focussed Therapy may be incorporated.
Relationship Specialist for Individuals and Couples online around the world and servicing areas for face to face sessions including Caloundra, Noosa, Noosaville, Buderim, Mountain Creek, Gympie.