TheConfidante In the Media
Aside from the irritating parts of a relationship that include picking up someone else’s putrid socks, blocking out roaring snoring noises and having to share the TV remote… etc one great aspect of a relationship is the safety of your cosy bubble of love.
… And I’m not getting all OTT airy fairy romantic here.
It’s a thing!
Your “couple bubble” (as termed by relationship guru, Stan Tatkin) should be an on-going cocoon of emotional security where you can confide and trust in your partner.
It is your private circle of safety that facilitates you braving the world together as a united front. This is where you and your honey bunny pumpkin nugget can metaphorically enjoy a secure nest from which you can each launch yourselves independently to success and return for support and comfort.
It is an intimate aspect of your relationship that you can count on. It will evolve over time but is collaborative, and you enjoy a shared vision to engage with the world. You are each other’s number one fan and stand up for each other.
Friends and family know that you make decisions as a unit. You check in with each other on the big and sometimes small plans. Those outside your “couple bubble” treat you like you are one team. You also enjoy a sense of independence to pursue friendships and varied interests. It is a beautiful thing!
Sadly, distress is found, and trust is lost when you discover that you can't confide in your partner.
For example, Bruce* and Gina* featured a lack of safety in their marriage. Gina confided secretly to her Mum and her sister for the slightest kerfuffles experienced in her relationship with Bruce.
When the family celebrated together for a birthday, Bruce felt embarrassed and on the outer. He was confused and ashamed about what Gina may or may not be revealing to her family members. Whilst he understood sometimes there’s a need to speak to wise mentors for comfort and advice, he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the unknown dialogue.
This might be quite okay for another couple who prefer more transparency with the outside world. There are no hard and fast rules here.
What all couples thrive on, is an agreement about boundaries to keep your relationship safe and trusting. That is, with whom, what, how and when you share?
I worked with Gina and Bruce to discover what they were comfortable with discussing with whom in the future. They decided Gina would let Bruce know when she felt she needed additional support and would omit the very intimate aspects of their marriage such as their sex life. Gina encouraged Bruce to talk more with his best mate, Dicko when he was overwhelmed. I coached them on communicating their hurts without blame and explored the importance of forgiveness in order to regain trust.
Why not chat ask your partner about concerns for any times when they’ve felt your “bubble” was compromised?
Let each other know what that feels like and what agreement you can put in place.
What, how, why and when are you each comfortable discussing aspects outside your “couple bubble”?
The only thing then popping is your popcorn as you sit back and enjoy your couch time wrangling for the remote!
Don’t forget to diarise my Facebook Lives each Therapeutic Thursday morning for Thriving Relationships to inject some relational inspirations into your weekend!
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised.
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focussed Therapy and Emotionally Focussed Therapy may be incorporated.
Relationship Specialist for Individuals and Couples online around the world and servicing areas for face to face sessions including Caloundra, Noosa, Noosaville, Buderim, Mountain Creek, Gympie.