TheConfidante In the Media
You must be feeling incredibly appreciated, astonishingly good looking and oh so fabulous this week. I bet that spring in your step is just a little bouncier today and your grin even wider than Luna Park? I can’t imagine how fulfilled and contented you must be just for knowing you’re acknowledged for the stamp you’re making on this world.
Why on earth would that be? Why, it was World Compliment Day last Friday. I’m assuming you also surprised and delighted your fellow human beings as you shared the beautiful feeling of wellbeing well into the weekend. Who thinks of a World Compliment Day? Some guy in the Netherlands thought it was a good idea to come up with the most positive day in the world. If that’s true, good on you Hans – I’m all for it.
There’s nothing I like better than positive reinforcement to rock my world. It could be that lovely Helen at the local pool to tell me she read and liked my article, my husband to say I look real pretty in that dress or my little tykes exclaiming their spag bol is amazing. I just want to do a massive “Oh what a feeling” Toyota jump on those days. I then find myself generating even more tributes to others too. It has a ripple effect!
Yet so many of us at times in our life have enormous difficulty and feel incredibly awkward receiving the verbal gift of a compliment. It’s no different to my bestie carefully selecting a well thought a gift of a book from my favourite author and wrapping it beautifully. Excitedly she presents it, and I despondently say, “No thanks, take it back.” What the heck? How hurt and disappointed would she be?
How can we learn to enjoy and receive the gift of a compliment to practice for next World Compliment Day and the 364 in-between?
Firstly, reasons why we deflect them include lack of self-acceptance from low self-esteem, shame and guilt, anxiety, depression, perfectionism and narcissism. We can suffer some real hard-knocks and make some ridiculous choices in quick succession. Some people were raised hearing the theme, “You’ll never be good enough”. No wonder then you’d have trouble believing there’s something worthwhile to say about the person you so often dislike – you.
We go to great magnitudes to deflect compliments such as denying them, arguing the case, diluting them, insulting ourselves in response or transferring the credit to someone else. Some even question the sincerity of the compliment giver.
You know you secretly relish the thought of praise for that delicious lemon cake you made, the new contract you signed off at work or for scaling Mt Coolum five times in a row. With thanks to the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors, they suggest we try this instead:
Here’s your first chance to practice: I love the way you read my article.
Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised.
Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focussed Therapy and Emotionally Focussed Therapy may be incorporated.
Relationship Specialist for Individuals and Couples online around the world and servicing areas for face to face sessions including Caloundra, Noosa, Noosaville, Buderim, Mountain Creek, Gympie.