Something great has come of 2020!

4 things I’ve learnt from being a marriage counsellor during the pandemic...
 
Since embarking on my career as a marriage therapist, I unceasingly feel incredibly honoured to journey with individuals and couples during their most challenging junctures of their lives. Add a pandemic and the experience sure has been heart wrenching and inspiring all at the same time.
 
As we continue to experience the symptoms from uncertainty and change, here are four things I’ve learnt as a marriage counsellor during 2020:

1. I’ve learnt couples are responding to COVID-19 in different ways. Some marriages are buckling as the individuals aren’t noticing their agitation, sadness or  impatience is a response to constant stress. We are designed relationally and thrive with hope around certainty for the future. On many levels this is still absent from society.
2. I’ve learnt when my clients look outward to help others, their mental health improves. COVID-19 has heightened our awareness of enjoying great relationships! More than ever, do we contemplate what is important during a year like 2020 and the importance of relying on and supporting others.
3. I’ve learnt social distancing was the greatest thing that could happen to many couple relationships. Many families have benefitted from enjoying the pause on what was a way too hectic lifestyle and since made changes for lasting positive impact. Many couples cruised on “auto-pilot” prior to the pandemic. Some were in a state of busy complacency through to barely tolerating each other and realising the importance of quality time has been mind-blowing!
4. I’ve learnt those couples that have flourished have had an understanding that threats will often rock their love boat. These couples approach adversity by ensuring they consistently check-in on their alliance with a shared vision based on values that feature respect and kindness. The reality is, adult love is conditional, is tested and requires on-going maintenance that supports the unexpected tough times.

 
I recommend that couples learn from the wise, ask advice from those flourishing couples they respect. You don’t have to follow what can be acceptable patterns of family history that may feature unhealthy relationship habits and divorce. Don’t allow your responses to the adversities of 2020 sever your relationships. Ensure you have the courage to adopt a “help-seeking” mentality when you can’t move forward and find a trusted therapist for an unbiased perspective with someone who can impart well researched tools.
 
Joanne Wilson is a Sunshine Coast neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools You’ll Ever Need For Your Most Important Project. Download FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com/resources