Loneliness during the festive season...

​Lonely this Festive Season? There’s likely something quite right with you!

Ever felt like the party is pumping and you’re watching alone and sad with your nose pressed up against the window from outside? We’ve ALL been there at some time and cried those uninvited or isolated tears.

As it turns out, loneliness is not a flaw but a symptom of being inherently created to be connected. If you’re lonely, there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s because of something that is right. This discomfort alerts you to engage with others to get healthy, be known, be loved and befriend others. This is how you’re designed!

Why should you do something about it?
Lack of meaningful relationships can lead to ill health as it compromises your immune system and can increase blood pressure. Lonely people react more strongly to stressful situations than those who are not. It even affects your quality of sleep. I would concur with increasing findings that somewhere along the journey of addictive behaviours such as alcohol, drug and gambling abuse; there’s a link to disconnection or rejection.

As an extrovert, I’ve learnt to respect the introverts’ need for solitude and quiet rejuvenation. There is however, a difference between being alone and being lonely. I’ve also felt lonely surrounded by people in a crowded room too.

Reaching out takes courage to push beyond your internal critical editor within your retreat to be vulnerable, genuine and transparent with others. Life’s roller coaster of highs and lows does not stop during the festive season - and can even amplify.

My observation of the causes of loneliness in my Counselling room are:

• Depression and Social Anxiety
• Illness
• Separation, Divorce or spouse death
• Infidelity
• Work commitments
• Family or friendship conflict
• Superficial or untrustworthy relationships (Thanks to Social media we are more connected than ever and lonelier than ever!)

 
This New Year, I encourage the lonely and loved to be bold and spirited with my ideas:

• Cook or pop out and grab something thoughtful for your neighbours. If you’re on your own, take a wander and spread the love in your street with a delightful surprise that doesn’t have to be expensive – just because! The Bureau keeps telling us there’s going to be another storm, so how about handing out brollies with tinsel on them?
• Get connected off-line. All those likes, follows, feeds and fans are feeble imitations of actual in-the-flesh friends who seldom meet your expectations. Before you switch off your screen though, do an online search for groups you might be interested in such as “Meetup.com” on the Sunshine Coast or those super active bunch at lively50plus.com.au/.
• Start up your own gatherings. Urban List on the Sunshine Coast will ensure you’ve got the latest of what’s on trend to do on the Coast.
• Look up from your belly button and find twelve things to be grateful for. It will give you a nice little reset and could well inspire you to be generous with what you have or your time. Check out Volunteering Sunshine Coast for more ideas.
• Take a walk along our awesome coastline and see how many “Hello’s” you can get returned. You’ll get all the happy chemicals from exercise and connect as you do it. Alternatively, join in on one of those hard-core exercise groups and set yourself some big fat hairy training goals.
• Got children? Pop a reminder in your Christmas tree box to make your own advent calendar next year that incorporates fun surprises as well as tasks to reach out to the lonely in hospital or elderly home visits? (This will help ensure our next generation avoids the narcissistic traits the social researchers are getting concerned about!)
• Start planning for next year. Do it differently this time round. Brainstorm on your own or with others as to how you will live and maximise the benefit of living in our glorious community in 2018. “It is never too late to begin.”

Now that you know how much a little bit of contact can impact your health, you can’t NOT be brave and step out if you’re alone. You are enough. Comparing yourself to others is a dead set joy stealer. Anchor your self-worth in what’s meaningful (usually the things you can’t see). If you were stripped of your career and possessions would you still have an identity?

If you’re like me, it’s time to halt the busyness, screen distractions to slow down, look around, give and receive emotional attentiveness. If you’re one of the lucky ones surrounded by love, I urge you to be generous with your smile, wave, call or visit. Befriend the unfriendly.

Joanne Wilson is a Sunshine Coast professional Counsellor and Neuropsychotherapist. She is the feature relationships columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily, weekly radio guest for Salt 106.5  and enjoys inspiring the community through  guest speaking invitations and producing her own books, Pearls of Wisdom from the Thriving Thirties and The Relationship Rejuvenator E-Book.

Contact Jo on 0409 909 933 or [email protected]. 

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