Watch how we screen...

Not a week goes by when cyber related challenges are raised in the Counselling room. I was relieved to notice there is now a Safer Internet Day each year, being tomorrow,  Tuesday 5 February. 

Safer Internet Day’s mission is to promote the safe and responsible use of technology for young people. What a great day therefore to raise awareness in your household as it sure needs attention for your relationships and boundaries for children.
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In my experience, the most common areas for concern discussed in Counselling are:

• Frequent late-night use of the internet.
• Addictive games and related conversations with people unknown to partners.
• Obsessive protection of phones that never leave your spouse or teenager's side.
• Lack of attention to children’s hours spent online that causes aggression or moodiness.

If you have children, there are some great online safety quizzes to check their understanding about sharing their images, giving out their information and what to do about online bullying. It could save their life.

I totally love that we’ve become even more connected thanks to technology. Long distance relationships are enhanced with it and those living or travelling abroad feel closer than ever. In day to day life however, screens are often an unwanted third person in the relationship. When both partners are screen addicted, it’s some sort of crazy foursome where the only real connection is the charging port that sustains this unhealthy attachment.

There is also a need for a sensible discussion for couples. Here are some topics to ask each other:

• What do we perceive is a reasonable amount of screen time per day?
• Can we incorporate a fun challenge with an incentive to reduce it? (Many devices have in-built time tracking to keep you informed)
• Do we set a good example for screen usage etiquette for children? (That is, putting down your screen, engaging with emotional attentiveness and eye contact or keeping them away from the dinner table.)
• Do we share new interests Apps or games with each other?
• What Apps, websites, podcasts or blogs can we both use to enrich our relationship? A great example is the “Gottman Card Decks” App for couples.
• Do we feel comfortable leaving our phone unattended and face up for our partner to view?
• Are we comfortable to be online friends with ex partners, old school friends or new acquaintances of the opposite sex?
• Who do we agree is acceptable for us to chat online to?
• Have we ever gifted money to a cause, a person or organisation and not told each other?
• Do we have a no screen zone in our house or time frames when we converse real time in the flesh?
• Do we agree with what each other posts on social media sites?

Enjoy the wonders of technology to be entertained, organised and informed but if you’re withholding information from your partner about your screen use, it’s your red flag.

Joanne Wilson is the weekly columnist for the Sunshine Coast Daily Weekend magazine, weekly radio guest, professional relationship counsellor and certified clinical neuropsychotherapy practitioner of TheConfidante Counselling. She is based on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland - Australia. You can contact her at: www.theconfidantecounselling.com or email HERE.

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