Stress is a fact of life—like swooping magpies in spring or just as bad, running out of milk for your morning cuppa. And just likelove languages, your stress language can say a lot about how you interact with the world and the people around you. Do you blow your top, retreat, dive headfirst into problem-solving, or crack jokes to lighten the load? These knee-jerk reactions are a mix of how you were raised and how your brain is wired.
The Neuroscience of Stress Stress triggers a cascade of activity in your brain, beginning in the amygdala, the part responsible for detecting threats. When activated, it sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus, which then floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This “fight, flight, or freeze” response is designed to keep you safe from danger. However, for most of us in modern life, the danger is less about a croc lurking in the reeds —it’s a passive-aggressive email, a missed deadline, or your toddler’s meltdown because their toast is cut the wrong way. Your brain still flips into survival mode, and how you deal with this depends on your stress language. People with a heightened stress response may have an overactive amygdala and reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational decision-making. In relationships, this often looks like snapping at your partner, shutting down, or overanalysing your friends and their every interaction. Stress and Relationships Stress doesn’t just affect your mood; it impacts how you connect with others. If your stress language is withdrawal, your partner might interpret it as emotional distance. On the flip side, if you tend to vent or catastrophise, it can overwhelm someone who processes stress internally. Here’s a breakdown of common stress languages based on the work of Canadian therapist, Chantal Donnely, and my take on how this effects your relationships:
Recognising your stress language is the first step to improving how you cope and communicates so here are a few neuroscience-backed tips: • Practice mindfulness/prayer: Activities like deep breathing or meditation can calm the amygdala and help you respond more thoughtfully. • Name it to tame it: Simply acknowledging your stress can reduce its power. Say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed because…” • Learn your partner’s and friends stress language: Understanding their patterns can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration. 1. Reflect on Past Stressful Situations Think about recent moments when you felt stressed. How did you respond? • Did you lash out, cry, or vent to someone? • Did you shut down, avoid the issue, or retreat into yourself? • Did you immediately try to fix the problem? • Did you make jokes or try to lighten the mood? 2. Notice your Physical Reactions Stress affects your body, too. Pay attention to patterns: • Do you clench your jaw or tense up? • Do you feel the urge to move away or escape the situation? • Do you feel your heart racing as you spring into action? 3. Ask for Outside Perspective This is a gutsy move! Sometimes, those close to you notice patterns you don’t. So, why not ask a mate, your partner, or a family member how they reckon you handle the heat when it’s on? You might be surprised! Stress is as inevitable as a kangaroo in the Australian outback. It doesn’t however, need to be a disaster for your relationships. By getting your head around how your stress shows up and what makes it tick, you can turn those tense moments into a chance for a bit of a chinwag. After all, learning to ‘speak’ each other’s stress language could be the most romantic thing you do all year!" Take my quick quiz to find out your Stress Language! Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker. Tune into radio Salt106.5 each Friday morning for her co-host of the Morning Wakeup. Don’t miss more on these articles in her “Is This Love” Podcast and download your FREE relationship resources at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com
Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash
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Joanne WilsonJoanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilised.
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November 2024
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Joanne will be your Confidante, enabling you to speak freely in complete confidence and serenity. An integrated approach tailored to your specific needs will be utilized. Approaches such as Psychobiological Approach to Couple's Therapy (PACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy may be incorporated.
Joanne WilsonRelationship Specialist for individuals and Couples online around the world and servicing areas for virtual sessions around Australia and servicing many clients in Queensland including Caloundra, Noosa, Noosaville, Buderim, Mountain Creek, Gympie.
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